Misc. Encounters - Not Michael Vartan as pictured

I have been attractive to two men in the past week (details below).

Cute guy in my building:
About my age
Attractive
Nice smile
I waved at him

Smart guy at the coffee shop:
About my age
Attractive
Hardworking
Small chit chat

I need to now figure out how to speak in coherant sentences to these types of men. Help!

The Big Maybe

Patti says,
“The Big Maybe: He’s a member of your ten must haves club. He’s a “cusper” and you could go either way with him. He’s usually your second choice, but don’t tell him that. You’re not quite ready to put him in the friend category yet….He’s someone with whom it’s too early to tell, and you’re taking your time.

I met Ken last year when I had my tour de Minneapolis of dating last fall (nine dates in eight days). I didn’t have an initial physical connection with him, but he definitely had a good personality. I feel comfortable with him, appreciated, and adored. It’s been a number of months since I saw Ken and tonight we met to catch up. I’m not completely preoccupied with physical appearances; however it’s important to have some physical connection. I’ve dated my fair share of men that are big boned, small …., receding hairlines, etc. I’m not looking for Michael Vartan (but wouldn’t complain if he showed up at my door). Anyway…Ken definitely has changed since our last meeting; he’s lost 35 pounds and somehow ditched his glasses (or perhaps got Lasik). I looked at him in a different way tonight. I could imagine a first kiss. I could imagine him out of the friend zone.

My gut hasn’t said yes or no. My head tells me this nice, good guy is exactly what I need. I’ll take Patti’s advice and see where this will go.

Grr update

Wow!

I can't believe I forgot to close the loop on the hot and elusive Brian. I texted Brian on Friday night after the speed dating debacle. I asked if he lost my number and he replied, "Yes". The girls let me know that was not a good thing. I provided myself closure by this response, "I understand the "lost number"...ha ha...it was fun meeting you...enjoy the summer".

Another one bites the dust.

Grrr - all dressed up and crazy lion guy to meet

Patti says,
I can’t think of anything that Patti would say about this one…..
Friday night is a memory I would like to soon forget. I would have been happier if completely intoxicated for my thirteen dates. “Thirteen dates!” you might exclaim. This is exactly how many five minute dates I had. The odds would suggest at least one of these men could have been a potential match for a future date. This was a night in which odds were not in my favor.

The concept of speed dating is not new. However, for me it gave me a new view into what being single means. Being single means you try almost anything to find your true love. I paid money to attend an event promising professional singles between 28-38. Unfortunately, I don’t think age or educational backgrounds were verified. I met men who looked well beyond 38 and considered a two year technical degree as a professional degree. Maybe I should have read the fine print.

It started off as a fun evening getting ready with the girls. I wore Sam Edelman heels that made legs on my 5’3” frame look a mile long. The shoes were flanked by a high-waisted skirt and v-neck blouse. Tania played Nick Arrojo (famous coiffeur on What Not to Wear); she blew my hair out to perfection. Becky played Fred Winston and supplied the jewelry and Michelle hyped us up. We picked up Jennifer and were on our way to find my future love.

The girls and I had a quick drink (less than ½ for me) before the event started. The event was held in a back conference room at a new hip hotel downtown. Conference rooms with banquet tables do not scream new, hip or romantic. My first date was late. When he sat down he literally said, “I hope you don’t like your dates to be punctual”. Apparently his happy hour had run late. This was not a good sign as to how the evening would go. I tried to find a redeeming quality in every man. I did find nice qualities, however no matches. I’ll share just a couple of the reasons we weren’t compatible.
Date A- His favorite movie is No Reservations. In my opinion, this movie is terrible. I know this is petty, but I really can’t get past it.
Date B- He only wants to travel to locations where people speak English. One of my joys in life is traveling internationally and being outside of my comfort zone.
Date C- Had a silver ring on his thumb that extended the length of the digit. I made the mistake of asking if his thumb could bend. He proceeded to bend his thumb exposing a surprise- the ring was a lion whose mouth opened when the finger bent. Grrr.

Needless to say, I didn’t find love. However, I found that I have great girlfriends that will continue to support me with whatever hair brained schemes I have to find my match. Until next time.

WWPD?

Patti says,

“The woman who gives more than the man in a relationship reverses the masculine/feminine roles. First the man will appreciate it, then he’ll expect it, and eventually he’ll resent it.”

Continued

“Also, she who touches money gives off masculine energy, so you can’t physically touch cash before his eyes or whip out plastic to pay the check. Why? Because, as I’ve noted, the man is the hunter, the woman is the gatherer, and the man is supposed to provide for the woman. So if she begins providing for him, it throws off the balance”.

I am a rational, independent, financially stable woman. I want to say that over and over until everyone listens. I thought I knew better than Patti (and perhaps I do), but none-the-less, not following her advice put me in dating limbo; it’s the single girl’s version of purgatory.

It all began a week ago today. I knew I would be out of town last weekend and REALLY wanted to see Brian. I opted to play a bit aggressive and ask him out. I explained that I didn’t want it to be an “official” date, but was excited to see him. On Thursday night he picked me up and we had dinner at The Liffey (a fun patio location downtown St. Paul). Things were going well (I think). We shared a burger and salad and had a few laughs. The bill came and I plopped down my Amex Gold. UGH. Just replaying this in my mind is pissing me off.

We then were off to have a little adventure. I planned for us to rock climb in an indoor gym. I was hoping to see him in all of his athletic glory while helping me learn something new. My plan was flawless, or so I thought. He had already been a certified climber which meant he could help me, but I couldn’t help him. This relegated us to the kiddie climbing walls. While enjoyable, something felt “off”. We didn’t have the physical energy from prior dates. He didn’t accidently brush up against me or even attempt to seduce me with one of his mind blowing kisses. Something was amiss. Neither one of us made mention of it.

He drove me home and this is where I turned into a bumbling idiot. I asked if he wanted to come up for a beer. It was about 10:00 PM and he said he had an early workout so he needed to pass. In retrospect he really stayed on his side of the car not leaning over for the obligatory goodbye kiss. Being the spitfire that I am I requested a kiss. He obliged, but it wasn’t the same. As I got out of the car he said he would call me Sunday when I was back in town. Clue #1 he’s just not into me- he said no to coming up to my place. Clue #2- HE SAID NO TO COMING UP TO MY PLACE!

Fast forward to today. It’s Tuesday. He hasn’t called. I’m an emotional basket case wondering how one guy could have my panties in a bunch after a couple of dates and PG make out sessions. What is wrong with me? Where is this rational and independent woman I speak of?

In my irrational state of being I texted him last night. He replied today that he had a fun busy weekend and now is in Washington. My text back said, “State or DC? Have fun! Let me know if you want to catch up…or did that count as our 4th date? Don’t work too hard.” (The reference to the fourth date is that he has said he generally knows by the fourth date if a relationship will ensue). He responsed via text, “State. Seattle.Sweet.” What does that mean? Sweet he won’t work too hard? Sweet he is madly in love with me? Sweet- you understand this isn’t going anywhere? Please someone whip out your man text decoder ring and help!

So, here I am in dating purgatory. I’m trying to tell myself that not everyone is a match. That I will find my Prince Charming and that he will kiss me so passionately that I can’t think straight. I’m also telling myself that unless he calls crying about how sorry he is and shows up with flowers and chocolates I won’t see him again. I want to make a clean break and shout, “he’s dead to me”. I know I won’t be that strong. I know for the next week I will check my phone in hopes that he calls or texts.

Moral of the story: NA. I don’t think this had anything to do with my paying for dinner. However, I vowed to follow Patti’s advice and must now do it. Before all relevant decisions on what I should do next I will ask myself WWPD*. I would like to give credit to Kristy for coining that phrase.

*What Would Patti Do?