Patti says,
“So many girls stand on the sidelines, passively waiting to be picked. Wrong tactic! My mom used to say to me, “A good woman will signal a man then let him come to her”. Remember, you’re not in a hurry (at least you shouldn’t be). You should take your time to prequalify all prospective candidates, and wait until the perfect husband comes along. After all, you want a marriage that lasts a lifetime, don’t you?”
Brian took me out on another Sunday date. He let me know that we would be outside most of the date. He even picked up sunscreen when I explained I burned easily. Again, he picked me up on time. We had a nice conversation on the car ride to the race track. We sat in the sun for a few hours betting on horses and chit chatting. It’s fun getting to know someone; it’s nice to know that someone wants to share themselves with you. I don’t want to say I am qualifying him quite yet, but definitely doing some basic investigation.
Findings:
· He used a coupon for entrance to the track. I’m not sure what Patti would say about this, but I think it takes a confident person to do that on a date. It also shows he is fiscally responsible. Hopefully this doesn’t also mean he is cheap.
· He believes he know if you want to date someone more seriously by the fourth date. If it’s not there by then, move on. I’m terrified! I’ve already made it through 2.5 dates. This is however quite the reprieve after dating men who think it takes one to four years to determine if things can get more serious.
· He doesn’t think people should live with each other before they get married. He has seen engagements break off and views marriage as the catalyst for cohabitation.
· He doesn’t want to talk about how many women he has been with. Don’t worry, I didn’t ask. I don’t want to know and I don’t kiss and tell either.
The date went very well. There were slight touches (mainly by me not being able to take my hands of his chiseled body) and little kisses along the way. It was the perfect combination of talk and touch. I have said many times that you need to love your partner with your head, heart, gut and groin. I’m positive my groin has already weighed in to the positive side. My gut tells me this is good too. Now I need to listen and learn about what my head and heart say. I’m hoping date three will provide more insight.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
The One You really Like
Patti says,
The One You Really Like
“This is the man you are instantly, passionately, insanely attracted to. He’s the one you can’t wait to sleep with, and the one who ignites irrationally jealousy when he so much smiles at the waitress.”
I am instantly, passionately, and insanely attracted to Brian. Last night he had friends over for a BBQ after a long day on the boat. He invited me over. Against my better judgment I went to his house at about 9:30. I wondered immediately if I was making a mistake. He was in his “safe zone” with his friends and in a drunken state- maybe just tipsy. I was out of my comfort zone and learning more about him that I had anticipated early in the dating process. Learning about the roommates, his neighbors, an apparent illegal substance being partaken by some on the sun porch was eye opening. Everyone left and we were alone.
I had two beers (for me that’s the equivalent of about a six pack for a normal girl). Sitting on the couch I was trying to figure out my timing. How could I lean over and kiss him? Would he kiss me? What the hell was I doing? I finally took the initiative and told him I was going to kiss him. It was amazing! I’m talking Pride and Prejudice, Walk in the Clouds, Sixteen Candles perfect. We talked a bit and I believe he became a bit sneaky. He said he thought his roommates were pulling up so maybe we should move from the couch- hmmmm….to the bedroom.
While in his bedroom I made myself comfortable noting the inferior thread count and hard mattress. However, I quickly took my focus away from the linens when he joined me on the bed. I won’t get too graphic, but I will say it was amazing. It was completely intoxicating and still PG. He pulled my favorite move from Clueless and tugged at my hair while he kissed me. I’m telling you all rational thought left my brain and I was left with mushy gushy warm stomach flutter. There was chemistry that I hadn’t felt in years. Not just kissing a new man chemistry, but can you imagine feeling so good about anything chemistry. I wanted to tear our clothes off and destroy any chance at another date. Instead, I stopped myself (and him) and forced myself to go home. I have been replaying those ten minutes over and over in my mind. I would pay good money to get back to that moment. Now I’m just hoping we have more than just chemistry.
The One You Really Like
“This is the man you are instantly, passionately, insanely attracted to. He’s the one you can’t wait to sleep with, and the one who ignites irrationally jealousy when he so much smiles at the waitress.”
I am instantly, passionately, and insanely attracted to Brian. Last night he had friends over for a BBQ after a long day on the boat. He invited me over. Against my better judgment I went to his house at about 9:30. I wondered immediately if I was making a mistake. He was in his “safe zone” with his friends and in a drunken state- maybe just tipsy. I was out of my comfort zone and learning more about him that I had anticipated early in the dating process. Learning about the roommates, his neighbors, an apparent illegal substance being partaken by some on the sun porch was eye opening. Everyone left and we were alone.
I had two beers (for me that’s the equivalent of about a six pack for a normal girl). Sitting on the couch I was trying to figure out my timing. How could I lean over and kiss him? Would he kiss me? What the hell was I doing? I finally took the initiative and told him I was going to kiss him. It was amazing! I’m talking Pride and Prejudice, Walk in the Clouds, Sixteen Candles perfect. We talked a bit and I believe he became a bit sneaky. He said he thought his roommates were pulling up so maybe we should move from the couch- hmmmm….to the bedroom.
While in his bedroom I made myself comfortable noting the inferior thread count and hard mattress. However, I quickly took my focus away from the linens when he joined me on the bed. I won’t get too graphic, but I will say it was amazing. It was completely intoxicating and still PG. He pulled my favorite move from Clueless and tugged at my hair while he kissed me. I’m telling you all rational thought left my brain and I was left with mushy gushy warm stomach flutter. There was chemistry that I hadn’t felt in years. Not just kissing a new man chemistry, but can you imagine feeling so good about anything chemistry. I wanted to tear our clothes off and destroy any chance at another date. Instead, I stopped myself (and him) and forced myself to go home. I have been replaying those ten minutes over and over in my mind. I would pay good money to get back to that moment. Now I’m just hoping we have more than just chemistry.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Happy + Active = Attractive
Patti says,
“Happy + Active = Attractive”
“Believe it or not, after a workout you are at your most attractive to men, because you’re all glowy from that endorphin rush; you’re calm, happy, content, and for a few minutes or hours, you are not thinking about dating. “
Goal- I want to glow all day long! I want to walk out of the house with a slight glisten across my entire body and a huge smile on my face. I want to have the “happy + active = attractive” look all of the time (minus the disgusting sweaty smell that usually accompanies it). I want men to notice me!
To help with the objective of glowy happy Jessica, I am training for a half marathon. This means I am stretching my physical abilities a few times a week. I have been running three to four days a week, going to spin class on Tuesdays (where there is a single dad named Craig that I am trying to befriend), and working out with a trainer once a week. My daily calorie count is about 1600-1700. I’m turning into a pseudo-obsessed healthy person. Yuck.
Today was a perfect example of how bad this is getting. I had a diet coke (with a splash of regular cherry coke) and a frozen yogurt to get through my afternoon blues. What the crap? Where am I? I miss my Fritos and leaded coke. However, more than wanting to go on a calorie binge I am aware that a new guy could soon be witness to me – naked. That is motivation enough to forego breakfast burritos and Big Macs. I can’t even remember the last time I had a Big Mac. I can’t decide if that is a good or bad sign.
Back to important things, if anyone is reading…
The boy called me last night J I was in class so I immediately texted. BUTTERFLYS! I know he is young, hot, active, funny, smart, hot (oops, I’ve said that), and sexy (another iteration of hot); I want him like I want to win the lottery. We are going out again on Sunday. I know Sunday is not the ideal date day, but he has friends in town for the weekend. I can’t wait to find out what we are doing. Per Patti’s advice I let him know that I have full confidence that he will come up with something wonderful to do. I’m hoping for something active and conducive to conversation. I want to know more about this guy and hope his most terrible flaw is that he is often too busy to go out because he volunteers helping blind, homeless, teen immigrants at a shelter 25 hours a week.
Stay tuned.
“Happy + Active = Attractive”
“Believe it or not, after a workout you are at your most attractive to men, because you’re all glowy from that endorphin rush; you’re calm, happy, content, and for a few minutes or hours, you are not thinking about dating. “
Goal- I want to glow all day long! I want to walk out of the house with a slight glisten across my entire body and a huge smile on my face. I want to have the “happy + active = attractive” look all of the time (minus the disgusting sweaty smell that usually accompanies it). I want men to notice me!
To help with the objective of glowy happy Jessica, I am training for a half marathon. This means I am stretching my physical abilities a few times a week. I have been running three to four days a week, going to spin class on Tuesdays (where there is a single dad named Craig that I am trying to befriend), and working out with a trainer once a week. My daily calorie count is about 1600-1700. I’m turning into a pseudo-obsessed healthy person. Yuck.
Today was a perfect example of how bad this is getting. I had a diet coke (with a splash of regular cherry coke) and a frozen yogurt to get through my afternoon blues. What the crap? Where am I? I miss my Fritos and leaded coke. However, more than wanting to go on a calorie binge I am aware that a new guy could soon be witness to me – naked. That is motivation enough to forego breakfast burritos and Big Macs. I can’t even remember the last time I had a Big Mac. I can’t decide if that is a good or bad sign.
Back to important things, if anyone is reading…
The boy called me last night J I was in class so I immediately texted. BUTTERFLYS! I know he is young, hot, active, funny, smart, hot (oops, I’ve said that), and sexy (another iteration of hot); I want him like I want to win the lottery. We are going out again on Sunday. I know Sunday is not the ideal date day, but he has friends in town for the weekend. I can’t wait to find out what we are doing. Per Patti’s advice I let him know that I have full confidence that he will come up with something wonderful to do. I’m hoping for something active and conducive to conversation. I want to know more about this guy and hope his most terrible flaw is that he is often too busy to go out because he volunteers helping blind, homeless, teen immigrants at a shelter 25 hours a week.
Stay tuned.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
It's your call (or is it?)
Patti says
"In the embroyonic stages of the dating relationship (first through sixth date) the most important thing to remember about the phone is not to use it too much.
So, help me out! We went out Sunday and he said he'd like to go out again and he would call. Do I wait anxiously by the phone? Do I call? Text? Send smoke signals? Freak out? Eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia? UGH! I like this guy. I'm being patient...not really. I'm thinking maybe he saw Swingers and is using the three day rule. Which means if he doesn't call tomorrow I am doomed and will punish myself by eating TWO pints of Ben & Jerrys.
Please say a little prayer for me! I am sure this is not a sanctioned approach to ask for prayers for something so trivial. I'm even more sure that God, Buddha, Mother Earth, etc. are too busy for my dating dilemmas, but give a girl a break.
"In the embroyonic stages of the dating relationship (first through sixth date) the most important thing to remember about the phone is not to use it too much.
So, help me out! We went out Sunday and he said he'd like to go out again and he would call. Do I wait anxiously by the phone? Do I call? Text? Send smoke signals? Freak out? Eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia? UGH! I like this guy. I'm being patient...not really. I'm thinking maybe he saw Swingers and is using the three day rule. Which means if he doesn't call tomorrow I am doomed and will punish myself by eating TWO pints of Ben & Jerrys.
Please say a little prayer for me! I am sure this is not a sanctioned approach to ask for prayers for something so trivial. I'm even more sure that God, Buddha, Mother Earth, etc. are too busy for my dating dilemmas, but give a girl a break.
If you build it they will come
Patti says-
“What is your type? What do you value in a partner?
A fun and provocative way to get started with this is to take fifteen minutes to make a list of your most recent boyfriends, not listing more than five. Write down their top five assets- the things that really attracted you to them in the first place and made you stay with them as long as you did. Then list their five worst traits- the things that drove you crazy, that made you break up with them, or want to punch them, or kill them, or both. “
My lists (in no particular order):
BF 1
Likes: cuddles, in shape, did nice little things, had good friends and hobbies, loves work
Dislikes: not an open communicator, didn’t seem like he wanted to know me, bad taste in music, not as socially aware, not very passionate.
BF2
Likes: loved work, non-traditional, passionate, funny (I can only name four….not a good sign)
Dislikes: always late, smelly, no follow through, dirty, wouldn’t settle down (why did I date this guy?)
BF3
Likes: cute, sexy, disciplined, smart, consistent
Dislikes: too rigid with routines, wouldn’t settle down, not very many friends or hobbies
BF4
Likes: sweet, loving, unconditional, smart, accommodating
Dislikes: door mat, needy, didn’t floss
So, if I build what I want, will he come? Is the Field of Dreams right? If I build it he will come….
Likes: smart, physically fit, passionate, consistent, sweet
Dislikes: smelly, antisocial, won’t settle down, uninterested
“What is your type? What do you value in a partner?
A fun and provocative way to get started with this is to take fifteen minutes to make a list of your most recent boyfriends, not listing more than five. Write down their top five assets- the things that really attracted you to them in the first place and made you stay with them as long as you did. Then list their five worst traits- the things that drove you crazy, that made you break up with them, or want to punch them, or kill them, or both. “
My lists (in no particular order):
BF 1
Likes: cuddles, in shape, did nice little things, had good friends and hobbies, loves work
Dislikes: not an open communicator, didn’t seem like he wanted to know me, bad taste in music, not as socially aware, not very passionate.
BF2
Likes: loved work, non-traditional, passionate, funny (I can only name four….not a good sign)
Dislikes: always late, smelly, no follow through, dirty, wouldn’t settle down (why did I date this guy?)
BF3
Likes: cute, sexy, disciplined, smart, consistent
Dislikes: too rigid with routines, wouldn’t settle down, not very many friends or hobbies
BF4
Likes: sweet, loving, unconditional, smart, accommodating
Dislikes: door mat, needy, didn’t floss
So, if I build what I want, will he come? Is the Field of Dreams right? If I build it he will come….
Likes: smart, physically fit, passionate, consistent, sweet
Dislikes: smelly, antisocial, won’t settle down, uninterested
Sunday, May 17, 2009
First Date
Patti says:
Out and About
As much help as you get from other people and from Internet dating services, know that you'll have to do at least a third of the work yourself on your own. You need to be proactive and make the effort yourself, even if it involves going outside your comfort zone and boldly going where you've never gone before. You must go to them, because, honey, they're not going to come to you.
Five Second Flirt
Notice the one guy in the room you would really like to meet, and make sure he is not with another woman. Catch his eye and hold his gaze a whole five seconds, while giving him your most radiant smile. Then flip your hair and turn away. When you give a man the five second flirt he will come over to start a conversation, or he won't.
I feel like writing about my first date will make it less real. Somehow the act of typing is making me nervous. What kind of girl blogs about dating? Does that make me less lovable and somehow a little crazy? Is blogging the equivalent of being a cat lady?
At this point, it doesn't matter. I will chronicle my journey in a loving and tender way. I will give props to the first person (maybe the last) to hit my dating blog. His name is Brian. It happened on Friday night. In a very cosmic way (Nana predicted I would meet a man with reddish blond hair) we met. It isn't very often that I go out with girlfriends for drinks, but as fate would have it, we did. He was the man sitting directly across from me at the bar sporting a Cocoa Puffs t-shirt and glasses. You know me- I'm a sucker for glasses. The smarter the sexier. And boy is he sexy. At two inches shy of six feet his muscular frame (training for triatholons) his blue eyes called to me. In an attempt to get his attention I did the "five second flirt and look away"; it didn't seem like he was noticing me and I was getting fairly nervous. But alas, a plot for an introduction ensued. A strange bar game required me to have a partner and so as the movie THE HOLIDAY stated we had our "meet cute".
I learned a few things about him:
Age: 28
Hometown: Appleton, WI
Job: Sales, Software
Degree: Check
Hot: Check
Funny: Check
Homeowner: Check
Dog Owner: Check
30 minutes later he asked me for my number! And you know what? He called the next day. Our conversation was comfortable and easy. He asked me out for a Sunday date and to sushi. Perfect! I decided on a very classic date look. Jeans, push-up bra (thanks Patti), solid color form fitting top, heels and nice jewelry. I wore my hair up, light lipstick and Missoni perfume. I felt sexy and ready to go.
At promptly 5:30 he picked me up on time and in a nice Audi A4. We drove to Nami and had a sushi and drinks. He paid. We then took a walk near my house for a bit more light conversation. We avoided the disasterous conversations like politics, terrible exes, money, etc. We focused on what we do for fun, our friends, our interests. I made the mistake of telling him about my blog. I thought it might be over, but you know what, although strange he understood. Or so he said.
When we walked back to my place it was the ackward stare at eachother what happens next end of the date sceanario. Good man that he is said he'd call me and he'd like to go out again!!!! We also shared a G rated light kiss on the lips. Mission accomplished. I met a super great nice man and I can't wait to write about him again.
Out and About
As much help as you get from other people and from Internet dating services, know that you'll have to do at least a third of the work yourself on your own. You need to be proactive and make the effort yourself, even if it involves going outside your comfort zone and boldly going where you've never gone before. You must go to them, because, honey, they're not going to come to you.
Five Second Flirt
Notice the one guy in the room you would really like to meet, and make sure he is not with another woman. Catch his eye and hold his gaze a whole five seconds, while giving him your most radiant smile. Then flip your hair and turn away. When you give a man the five second flirt he will come over to start a conversation, or he won't.
I feel like writing about my first date will make it less real. Somehow the act of typing is making me nervous. What kind of girl blogs about dating? Does that make me less lovable and somehow a little crazy? Is blogging the equivalent of being a cat lady?
At this point, it doesn't matter. I will chronicle my journey in a loving and tender way. I will give props to the first person (maybe the last) to hit my dating blog. His name is Brian. It happened on Friday night. In a very cosmic way (Nana predicted I would meet a man with reddish blond hair) we met. It isn't very often that I go out with girlfriends for drinks, but as fate would have it, we did. He was the man sitting directly across from me at the bar sporting a Cocoa Puffs t-shirt and glasses. You know me- I'm a sucker for glasses. The smarter the sexier. And boy is he sexy. At two inches shy of six feet his muscular frame (training for triatholons) his blue eyes called to me. In an attempt to get his attention I did the "five second flirt and look away"; it didn't seem like he was noticing me and I was getting fairly nervous. But alas, a plot for an introduction ensued. A strange bar game required me to have a partner and so as the movie THE HOLIDAY stated we had our "meet cute".
I learned a few things about him:
Age: 28
Hometown: Appleton, WI
Job: Sales, Software
Degree: Check
Hot: Check
Funny: Check
Homeowner: Check
Dog Owner: Check
30 minutes later he asked me for my number! And you know what? He called the next day. Our conversation was comfortable and easy. He asked me out for a Sunday date and to sushi. Perfect! I decided on a very classic date look. Jeans, push-up bra (thanks Patti), solid color form fitting top, heels and nice jewelry. I wore my hair up, light lipstick and Missoni perfume. I felt sexy and ready to go.
At promptly 5:30 he picked me up on time and in a nice Audi A4. We drove to Nami and had a sushi and drinks. He paid. We then took a walk near my house for a bit more light conversation. We avoided the disasterous conversations like politics, terrible exes, money, etc. We focused on what we do for fun, our friends, our interests. I made the mistake of telling him about my blog. I thought it might be over, but you know what, although strange he understood. Or so he said.
When we walked back to my place it was the ackward stare at eachother what happens next end of the date sceanario. Good man that he is said he'd call me and he'd like to go out again!!!! We also shared a G rated light kiss on the lips. Mission accomplished. I met a super great nice man and I can't wait to write about him again.
Backdrop
This is me. At 34, 5’3”, 117 lbs (today) I fall into a category that I am familiar with – single. After a series of LTRs (long term relationships) I’m single. How does this happen? When did I become the girl that didn’t get what she wanted? Wait. Do I really even know what I want? This blog is my journey. The blog is a self-deprecating, torturously beautiful road to relationship wellness.
I am going to take this journey with my friend, Patti Stanger. *Note to reader- I have never met Patti, but if I had she would love me and likely find the perfect match for me. Patti Stanger is the antithesis of me. The statuesque brunette has a fiery personality and has in the recent years become an icon in the dating and entertainment world. You’ll know her from her realty TV show the Millionaire Matchmaker and her book ‘Become Your Own Matchmaker-8 Steps in Attracting Your Perfect Mate’. I will use her book as my roadmap.
I am going to start this blog appropriately with Chapter One- Dating Detox. I am looking forward to you sharing my experiences and giving (well-intentioned) advice. Hey, if you happen to think of the man for me, send him my way too.
I am going to take this journey with my friend, Patti Stanger. *Note to reader- I have never met Patti, but if I had she would love me and likely find the perfect match for me. Patti Stanger is the antithesis of me. The statuesque brunette has a fiery personality and has in the recent years become an icon in the dating and entertainment world. You’ll know her from her realty TV show the Millionaire Matchmaker and her book ‘Become Your Own Matchmaker-8 Steps in Attracting Your Perfect Mate’. I will use her book as my roadmap.
I am going to start this blog appropriately with Chapter One- Dating Detox. I am looking forward to you sharing my experiences and giving (well-intentioned) advice. Hey, if you happen to think of the man for me, send him my way too.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
It begins with a wish-
When I say I am coming home, it means I a coming to where you are.
So, where are you?
So, where are you?
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