We will call this one "white/black shirt guy" (WBSG). Erika coined his name as he was wearing AGAIN the typical guy date outfit (jeans, white button-up with black print and leather shoes). He met me late night at Zeno a dessert and wine bar.
I really feel at this time I'm not giving any of these guys fair representation. Let's clear the air. Mr. T from earlier posts is now my official BF. I'm trying to update my blog so everyone is caught up on my love life, but really, I'm not capturing all the fun (and disappointment) that was a crazy couple of weeks of dating.
WBSG had profile pictures of him traveling the world. He was skiing in the mountains, hiking in Prague, etc. I liked the idea that he was well traveled and educated. He was actually pretty fun. I had a couple of glasses of wine and really just got a flavor for this uber-Uptownite. We went out on a Thursday at about 8:00 PM and he had plans to meet friends closer to 11:00 at a local bar. Who goes out that late on a Thursday night? I thought right away that we had different ambitions in life. Mine included sleep. His included impairment.
Although he was a little too urban for me, he was fun and entertaining. I decided to see him again.
The second time I saw him he invited me to his house for paella. I love when a man cooks! It's such a treat to see a guy try so hard to impress a woman. Not only did he cook a meal, he cooked a meal that takes hours to prepare and multiple proteins. He was definitely getting points.
As he cooked dinner I sipped wine and enjoyed the Latin music. We had insignificant conversation and sat out on the patio for a bit. It was early September in Minneapolis and quite warm. It was a great date capped off with a nice kiss (PG). Although it was a nice kiss, it wasn't filled with passion or urgency. I realized at that point that he would not be the guy for me.
He was SUPER cool about my rejection call and offer to set him up with one of my friends (per Patti - share the love). He went out with my friend Jennifer. It wasn't a love connection, but I felt I gave back to the world of dating. My conscience was clear.
FAST FORWARD-
I thought WBSG was super cool. He was a guy good enough to refer to one of my friends. I was wrong. This doesn't happen often (me admitting to error), so relish this now. He texted me in mid-October asking me out to a football game. I said I couldn't go, but wished him a good time. He texted, "I'm where you will never be, the land of fun. It's a good thing we never dated, you are lame. I'll call you next time I'm in a nursing home". Ouch. Sting factor - slight. AHole - major.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Triathlete + IT Geek = No match (early September)
I was so excited to meet this super hot triathlete! Photos alone sold this guy. It was like seeing the perfect dress online and then ordering it; when it showed up it was not what I ordered, it was polyester with a broken zipper. Let me explain.
This guy on paper was perfect. At 6'2'' and 190lbs in ridiculous shape he exuded hotness. He had a master's degree, a job, a home, and a sense of humor. Need I say more?
We met at Doolittles (a local bar/restaurant) for appetizers and drinks on a sunny weekend day. He is just as cute as his photos in person. Folks, that is where it ends. Although we had a nice chat, it was apparent that there was no chemistry. In addition to the lack of fire, he was a conversation hog (yes, more so than me if you can believe it) AND he corrected me. He was telling a story about a company that had a massive amount of employees that had doctorate degrees. I commented that I found that odd that they had so many biochemists and he corrected me with some outlandish job description (not biochemist) that I had never heard of. I know I'm not doing the story justice, but trust me, I was done.
I sent an email stating he was a very educated and attractive guy, but I didn't feel the connection. No response from him, but he did close my eHarmony profile. And on to the next....
This guy on paper was perfect. At 6'2'' and 190lbs in ridiculous shape he exuded hotness. He had a master's degree, a job, a home, and a sense of humor. Need I say more?
We met at Doolittles (a local bar/restaurant) for appetizers and drinks on a sunny weekend day. He is just as cute as his photos in person. Folks, that is where it ends. Although we had a nice chat, it was apparent that there was no chemistry. In addition to the lack of fire, he was a conversation hog (yes, more so than me if you can believe it) AND he corrected me. He was telling a story about a company that had a massive amount of employees that had doctorate degrees. I commented that I found that odd that they had so many biochemists and he corrected me with some outlandish job description (not biochemist) that I had never heard of. I know I'm not doing the story justice, but trust me, I was done.
I sent an email stating he was a very educated and attractive guy, but I didn't feel the connection. No response from him, but he did close my eHarmony profile. And on to the next....
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
DATE 3 - Mr. T Continued - September 15th
Mr. T wanted to see me again. I wanted to see him. The problem was that I had an extremely busy week (dates, school, work, friends). What is a girl to do? We would have a breakfast date at Hell's Kitchen. It was interesting to have a morning date in full work garb. I made sure to make corporate dress attire sexy with a black dress and knee high boots. Capture his attention - check.
Breakfast was really casual and a bit uncomfortable when he explained that he generally doesn't eat breakfast and isn't a morning person. (breakfast might not have been a great idea). This is where things get off path for me. I stopped following one of Patti's rules. I paid. I hope this doesn't backfire on me. If it does feel free to yell, "she told you so!".
He sent me a text after breakfast saying I looked cute. I LOVE verbal affection. It puts the biggest smile on my face to know someone is thinking of me. I'm tallying his positive points- smart, tall, verbally affectionate, etc.
He's bald. Have I mentioned this? He shaves his head every day. I hadn't ever given a second thought about dating a bald guy, but I never have. I have since found that there are advantages to having no hair. It's super easy to give kisses to the top of his head (which is quite fun).
This is also the week that I am meeting a total of five guys. Things are going to get complicated. But what is life without a little complication?
Breakfast was really casual and a bit uncomfortable when he explained that he generally doesn't eat breakfast and isn't a morning person. (breakfast might not have been a great idea). This is where things get off path for me. I stopped following one of Patti's rules. I paid. I hope this doesn't backfire on me. If it does feel free to yell, "she told you so!".
He sent me a text after breakfast saying I looked cute. I LOVE verbal affection. It puts the biggest smile on my face to know someone is thinking of me. I'm tallying his positive points- smart, tall, verbally affectionate, etc.
He's bald. Have I mentioned this? He shaves his head every day. I hadn't ever given a second thought about dating a bald guy, but I never have. I have since found that there are advantages to having no hair. It's super easy to give kisses to the top of his head (which is quite fun).
This is also the week that I am meeting a total of five guys. Things are going to get complicated. But what is life without a little complication?
DATE 2- September 11th
We will call this one Mr. T.
On September 11th I met Mr. T for our first date downtown Minneapolis after a brief courtship courtesy of eHarmony. Mr. T is a 31 year old from the cities who happens to also work for my employer. Although my employer has hundreds of thousands of employees, this guy works in my old pyramid! It's a small world after all.
So, I was initially attracted to his profile and an absolutely ridiculous red fedora in one of his pictures. It was a picture of him during the running of the bulls in Spain. "What" you say! A smart guy with a sense of adventure? Found on eHarmony? Yes, my friends! Totally worth the $150.
We met downtown and IMMEDIATELY I was nervous. He was wearing the obligatory metrosexual date outfit- white unbuttoned shirt (with a pattern on the back), dark jeans and leather shoes. In the scheme of things this isn't a deal breaker, but not my favorite look. Things started looking iffy when he explained that his plans had fallen though. We would be spending our first date "winging it".
We had drinks at Cosmos and then moved to King and I for dinner. I'm pretty sure we went to a few other places as well, but in my laziness over the past month I don't remember. I do remember that it was very comfortable. We spend about seven hours together on our first date and no goodnight kiss. At this point I was unsure of what (if anything) would happen.
Fast forward-
Text the next day from Mr. T
"Don't think I want to wait the full 4 days of guy time to call you. If you are walking the lakes tomorrow and wants some company let me know :) "
Patti writes that men need time to ponder new women. He liked me right away! Awww shucks.
On September 11th I met Mr. T for our first date downtown Minneapolis after a brief courtship courtesy of eHarmony. Mr. T is a 31 year old from the cities who happens to also work for my employer. Although my employer has hundreds of thousands of employees, this guy works in my old pyramid! It's a small world after all.
So, I was initially attracted to his profile and an absolutely ridiculous red fedora in one of his pictures. It was a picture of him during the running of the bulls in Spain. "What" you say! A smart guy with a sense of adventure? Found on eHarmony? Yes, my friends! Totally worth the $150.
We met downtown and IMMEDIATELY I was nervous. He was wearing the obligatory metrosexual date outfit- white unbuttoned shirt (with a pattern on the back), dark jeans and leather shoes. In the scheme of things this isn't a deal breaker, but not my favorite look. Things started looking iffy when he explained that his plans had fallen though. We would be spending our first date "winging it".
We had drinks at Cosmos and then moved to King and I for dinner. I'm pretty sure we went to a few other places as well, but in my laziness over the past month I don't remember. I do remember that it was very comfortable. We spend about seven hours together on our first date and no goodnight kiss. At this point I was unsure of what (if anything) would happen.
Fast forward-
Text the next day from Mr. T
"Don't think I want to wait the full 4 days of guy time to call you. If you are walking the lakes tomorrow and wants some company let me know :) "
Patti writes that men need time to ponder new women. He liked me right away! Awww shucks.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Handful of Men - Literally- DATE 1 September 10th
August 31st seems like forever ago. Since then I have been through a handful of men, it’s snowed in Minnesota and my hair has grown about an inch. August 31st was an important date as it was the day I had my pictures professionally taken for eHarmony. Little did I know, but that was the catalyst to my dating extravaganza (not to be outdone by Dating Extravaganza 2008 in which I had nine dates in eight days).
I have been very fortunate to meet an array of very eligible bachelors through eHarmony and friends over the past month or so. The first bachelor we will call STL. STL was introduced to me by my boss (isn’t that the sweetest?). STL is a 26 year old cutie with farm boy charm. He picked me up and took me to an amazing place called Prohibition on the top floor of the Foshay Tower. Prohibition is a kitschy, dark, romantic little spot overlooking the city. We had drinks there followed by sushi at another local favorite. Note to readers- men that like sushi get extra points!
This is where STL’s story ends. No kiss goodnight. Don’t pass go and collect $200. I’m not really sure what happened, but I don’t think either of us felt the fire.
NEXT
I have been very fortunate to meet an array of very eligible bachelors through eHarmony and friends over the past month or so. The first bachelor we will call STL. STL was introduced to me by my boss (isn’t that the sweetest?). STL is a 26 year old cutie with farm boy charm. He picked me up and took me to an amazing place called Prohibition on the top floor of the Foshay Tower. Prohibition is a kitschy, dark, romantic little spot overlooking the city. We had drinks there followed by sushi at another local favorite. Note to readers- men that like sushi get extra points!
This is where STL’s story ends. No kiss goodnight. Don’t pass go and collect $200. I’m not really sure what happened, but I don’t think either of us felt the fire.
NEXT
Updates- I promise!
Like sands through an hourglass…
I feel completely derelict in my duties to report my dating. I knew today, after being asked by a guy friend for an update, that I was overdue in catching everyone up in my dating life. You know it’s bad when a guy is asking for updates.
So, let the tales begin.
I feel completely derelict in my duties to report my dating. I knew today, after being asked by a guy friend for an update, that I was overdue in catching everyone up in my dating life. You know it’s bad when a guy is asking for updates.
So, let the tales begin.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Let the Games Begin
Dating is all about odds, right? I will be spending the next few days catching up on my dates as of the last week and a half. I have been struck by the god of love (well, tapped might be more like it). Feast or famine has prevailed one more time as I have been on dates with five men in the past two weeks. Beyond being fatigued, I am extremely hopeful that things are moving in the right direction! I feel confident again; and maybe, just maybe one of these is the one.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Basic Information from my eHarmony profile
1. What are you most passionate about?
I try to live life to the fullest. I am most passionate about making my life and the lives of those around me positive and fun. I love volunteering, traveling, trying new things and spending time with friends and family.
2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
1. 2. 3.
3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
If I mentioned just one person, I would be untruthful. Too many people have had substantial impact on my life.
4. The four things your friends say about you are:
Ambitious
Easy-Going
Loyal
Thoughtful
5. What are three of your BEST life-skills?
Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness
Being a good friend and companion
Achieving personal goals
6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
I would love to find someone with a similar outlook on relationships. Relationships are fun and rewarding, but anything rewarding takes work. I want to have fun with a partner that supports and challenges me (and vice versa).
7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
I'm a hopeful optimist. I also think they notice that I have a way of making people feel at ease and included.
8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
I have an endless capacity to laugh at myself (and others). I might start off a little shy, but in the end, I just want to be happy and have fun.
9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?
I love catching up with friends for dinner or a yoga class, or just watching a game. I enjoy walking around the lake a few times a week, reading books, trying new restaurants, and catching up on my DVR.
10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
I recently finished a few books (outside of course work). The first is a book called "A Long Way Gone" about a boy soldier in Sierra Leone. I've also read the last book in Stephanie Meyer's vampire romance series (I know - vampires are so trendy). I try to balance a thought provoking book with mindless reading.
12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.
My nickname growing up still haunts me (thanks to my little brother).
I try to live life to the fullest. I am most passionate about making my life and the lives of those around me positive and fun. I love volunteering, traveling, trying new things and spending time with friends and family.
2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
1. 2. 3.
3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
If I mentioned just one person, I would be untruthful. Too many people have had substantial impact on my life.
4. The four things your friends say about you are:
Ambitious
Easy-Going
Loyal
Thoughtful
5. What are three of your BEST life-skills?
Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness
Being a good friend and companion
Achieving personal goals
6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
I would love to find someone with a similar outlook on relationships. Relationships are fun and rewarding, but anything rewarding takes work. I want to have fun with a partner that supports and challenges me (and vice versa).
7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
I'm a hopeful optimist. I also think they notice that I have a way of making people feel at ease and included.
8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
I have an endless capacity to laugh at myself (and others). I might start off a little shy, but in the end, I just want to be happy and have fun.
9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?
I love catching up with friends for dinner or a yoga class, or just watching a game. I enjoy walking around the lake a few times a week, reading books, trying new restaurants, and catching up on my DVR.
10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
I recently finished a few books (outside of course work). The first is a book called "A Long Way Gone" about a boy soldier in Sierra Leone. I've also read the last book in Stephanie Meyer's vampire romance series (I know - vampires are so trendy). I try to balance a thought provoking book with mindless reading.
12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.
My nickname growing up still haunts me (thanks to my little brother).
Trying eHarmony
Patti say if you are looking to online date you need a professional photo. I've done that (see me all cute in the picture). I've signed up for eHarmony and will post my profile shortly. Men, beware. Friends, get ready for some laughs.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Update to Curse
I thought I would update anyone who is remotely interested in my Lame-O dating life about what happened to Sam. Well, as it turns out, I did receive an email stating he had mixed feelings about seeing me again. I don't exactly know what "mixed feelings" are, but they can't be good. I'm pretty sure it's another version of, "he's just not that into you". I responded letting him know that's part of meeting someone and figuring what does and doesn't work. I let him know that I do find him fun/funny and attractive and the ball is in his court.
Theme song of the day- Another One Bites the Dust.
The only silver lining of this week (as dating is concerned) is that tomorrow I am going to get professional photos taken for online dating. Patti stated this is an integral part of the process. I will spend today finding the perfect outfits making me look cute, slightly sexy, fun, and smart. If you have an idea of an outfit that will portray all of these things please let me know. Tomorrow will be filled with professional hair and make-up help. Fun fun! I'll post the pictures once I have them.
Theme song of the day- Another One Bites the Dust.
The only silver lining of this week (as dating is concerned) is that tomorrow I am going to get professional photos taken for online dating. Patti stated this is an integral part of the process. I will spend today finding the perfect outfits making me look cute, slightly sexy, fun, and smart. If you have an idea of an outfit that will portray all of these things please let me know. Tomorrow will be filled with professional hair and make-up help. Fun fun! I'll post the pictures once I have them.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Cursed, Foiled Again, Cursed, Cursed, Cursed.
I am cursed. I have found that I have a knack for falling in love after 30 minutes and then being surprised when I am “phased out” three dates later. Case in point, farm boy Sam.
Last week I had date number two with Sam. We were set to go to the racetrack (yes, this harkens to a previous date with Brian earlier in the summer), however it rained. Instead we decided to go out for pizza and watch a movie. Pizza and conversation were great. I love learning about new people. I love when a guy seems super interested and can’t look at me enough. I love the newness and awkwardness of a new relationship.
We had our first attempt at disclosure after dinner. I fessed up to a divorce many years ago. He admitted to having a girlfriend (on the way out) the night we met. He said he called her the next day to make it an official break up before asking me out. Things were going on the normal dating path.
After dinner we cuddled on the couch and watched The Soloist. The movie was pretty slow, but things heated up pretty fast. It was very chaste, but the chemistry was good. It was so nice just to cuddle up to someone on the couch on a rainy day and watch a movie. That tingle in your toes tension was there, the energy was there, everything looked positive, right? Fast forward…again.
On Sunday we decided to go to the lake for a picnic. How much more romantic can it get? I packed a nice lunch, a blanket, etc. and we headed to a perfect spot. We were both enjoying an absolutely perfect Sunday afternoon. During the last full month of summer we savored the sun and warm weather. It was a little odd when he relaxed so much that he fell asleep. I’m trying to tell myself that it is great that he is comfortable with me, but really, it probably means he’s not interested. That’s right – he’s just not that into me!!!
We hung out for a couple of hours and then headed back to my place. He was very nice and walked me up and gave me a quick kiss goodbye. He said he would call tomorrow. Well, it’s officially tomorrow at 9:00 PM and he hasn’t called. He emailed today and said thanks for the relaxing day and he was sorry he was tired, but he didn’t ask for another date or go past that. Ugh, a curse I tell you.
Last week I had date number two with Sam. We were set to go to the racetrack (yes, this harkens to a previous date with Brian earlier in the summer), however it rained. Instead we decided to go out for pizza and watch a movie. Pizza and conversation were great. I love learning about new people. I love when a guy seems super interested and can’t look at me enough. I love the newness and awkwardness of a new relationship.
We had our first attempt at disclosure after dinner. I fessed up to a divorce many years ago. He admitted to having a girlfriend (on the way out) the night we met. He said he called her the next day to make it an official break up before asking me out. Things were going on the normal dating path.
After dinner we cuddled on the couch and watched The Soloist. The movie was pretty slow, but things heated up pretty fast. It was very chaste, but the chemistry was good. It was so nice just to cuddle up to someone on the couch on a rainy day and watch a movie. That tingle in your toes tension was there, the energy was there, everything looked positive, right? Fast forward…again.
On Sunday we decided to go to the lake for a picnic. How much more romantic can it get? I packed a nice lunch, a blanket, etc. and we headed to a perfect spot. We were both enjoying an absolutely perfect Sunday afternoon. During the last full month of summer we savored the sun and warm weather. It was a little odd when he relaxed so much that he fell asleep. I’m trying to tell myself that it is great that he is comfortable with me, but really, it probably means he’s not interested. That’s right – he’s just not that into me!!!
We hung out for a couple of hours and then headed back to my place. He was very nice and walked me up and gave me a quick kiss goodbye. He said he would call tomorrow. Well, it’s officially tomorrow at 9:00 PM and he hasn’t called. He emailed today and said thanks for the relaxing day and he was sorry he was tired, but he didn’t ask for another date or go past that. Ugh, a curse I tell you.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Country Mouse (Sam) meets City Slicker (me)
Ok friends, drum roll please! I met a nice guy from a small town in the middle of nowhere. Let me give you the history (brief as it might be). I was at a concert with a couple of guy friends last week on Thursday. The bar was crowded with primarily men. There were a plethora of male bartenders not too eager to pour libations in a quick like manner for these poor thirsty men. One man towered over the others and caught my eye. I used my womanly ways (bending over the bar with a slinky tank top) to get the immediate attention of one of the bartenders. I was served within 30 seconds and made sure to get an extra beer for the mystery stranger. The mystery stranger, Sam, introduced himself and thanked me. We chatted for a minute and then he disappeared.
I thought that was the end of him until he came back towards the bar a half hour later. He offered to return the favor and buy me a drink. I declined. Anyone who knows me understands my inability to handle more than two cocktail in a night. We talked for about five or ten minutes and at the end he asked for my number. To my surprise he texted me a couple of hours later letting me know that he did intend to pursue me.
On Friday night Sam called me. I felt like a scared teenager getting her first call from the hunky quarterback. But, within about a minute I felt comfortable and at ease. It felt so good to sit back and let him lead the conversation. I learned from Patti to make sure that I let the man lead (remember the debacle a couple of months ago when I didn’t follow her advice and lost Brian forever?). Sam led me right into his little plot of a date on Sunday.
Sunday I was picked up at 5:00PM and whisked away for a nice walk by Minnehaha Falls. This was a very great idea for a first date other than the fact that my ex-boyfriend owns the restaurant at Minnehaha Falls. I felt it would be a one in a million chance that we would run into each other and I didn’t mention that fact. On the way to the Falls Sam asked if I had been to restaurant X. Yikes! I had to fess up about the situation for fear that he was going to take me there for dinner. He was really cool about it and we opted to still head that way. Walking is a great way to get acquainted with someone. We were able to share silly stories and learn fun facts. My fun facts were fairly tame like that I’m working on my MBA, I volunteer, etc. His fun facts included his work at a meat lab in college where he killed pigs and cows, how he counted worms as a childhood job, and a blow by blow account of a fight in college (he didn't hit anyone). We ended the walk when it became apparent that I could no longer walk (note to self- do not wear cute flats that dig the flesh of your feet when a guy says to be comfortable).
We were off to dinner and he picked a Tibetan place that I wanted to try. Awesome! I love when a guy things out of the box. After spicy food and a few laughs we were heading back to my place. He was planning to drop me, but I easily convinced him to come up to my place for a drink. We spent an hour on my patio sharing a bottle of wine and more stories. It was pretty darn romantic. Cliché as it is, I had music playing, a candle and the wine. We started getting comfortable together. I was so comfortable that I rested my feet on his legs. I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I randomly leaned over and kissed him. I didn’t feel the tectonic plates moving, but there was definitely something there. We finished the wine and slowly made our way to the door. He gave me a nice kiss goodbye and promised to call the next day and that we would go out later in the week.
Fast forward- He called the next day and we are going out again on Thursday. I’m giddy when I talk about him, but have also consulted my must-have list. See below:
Let’s go through the list (after one date). Yes, I am psycho.
Verbalizes needs – has already let me know that he won’t settle, wants to be happy with a partner, etc.
Tall- 6’5”
Thinner/good shape- he’s in great shape, little to no body fat, swims and is active.
College educated – Ag Major at the U of M
Job that affords moderate to high lifestyle – I’m thinking no. Lives in the basement of his friend’s home. Does must-have really mean “must-have”?
Socially liberal- Unsure yet.
Likes to touch- Yes
Gives verbal affirmation – Yes- Sends cute texts
Good hygiene- Yes- he even has nice feet
I can tell already that my needs/wants are more towards the physical and emotional categories. So now Patti’s has tasked me to list the top ten must-haves.Verbalizes needsOptimisticTallThinner/good shapeCollege educatedJob that affords moderate to high lifestyleSocially liberalLikes to touchAble to give me verbal affirmationGood hygienePatti goes on to say, “The top five entries on that list are your FIVE NON-NEGOTIABLES and you cannot compromise on these. They are the most important traits in a mate, and if the guy your seeing doesn’t have them, you need to move on. Yesterday. No exceptions.”
I thought that was the end of him until he came back towards the bar a half hour later. He offered to return the favor and buy me a drink. I declined. Anyone who knows me understands my inability to handle more than two cocktail in a night. We talked for about five or ten minutes and at the end he asked for my number. To my surprise he texted me a couple of hours later letting me know that he did intend to pursue me.
On Friday night Sam called me. I felt like a scared teenager getting her first call from the hunky quarterback. But, within about a minute I felt comfortable and at ease. It felt so good to sit back and let him lead the conversation. I learned from Patti to make sure that I let the man lead (remember the debacle a couple of months ago when I didn’t follow her advice and lost Brian forever?). Sam led me right into his little plot of a date on Sunday.
Sunday I was picked up at 5:00PM and whisked away for a nice walk by Minnehaha Falls. This was a very great idea for a first date other than the fact that my ex-boyfriend owns the restaurant at Minnehaha Falls. I felt it would be a one in a million chance that we would run into each other and I didn’t mention that fact. On the way to the Falls Sam asked if I had been to restaurant X. Yikes! I had to fess up about the situation for fear that he was going to take me there for dinner. He was really cool about it and we opted to still head that way. Walking is a great way to get acquainted with someone. We were able to share silly stories and learn fun facts. My fun facts were fairly tame like that I’m working on my MBA, I volunteer, etc. His fun facts included his work at a meat lab in college where he killed pigs and cows, how he counted worms as a childhood job, and a blow by blow account of a fight in college (he didn't hit anyone). We ended the walk when it became apparent that I could no longer walk (note to self- do not wear cute flats that dig the flesh of your feet when a guy says to be comfortable).
We were off to dinner and he picked a Tibetan place that I wanted to try. Awesome! I love when a guy things out of the box. After spicy food and a few laughs we were heading back to my place. He was planning to drop me, but I easily convinced him to come up to my place for a drink. We spent an hour on my patio sharing a bottle of wine and more stories. It was pretty darn romantic. Cliché as it is, I had music playing, a candle and the wine. We started getting comfortable together. I was so comfortable that I rested my feet on his legs. I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I randomly leaned over and kissed him. I didn’t feel the tectonic plates moving, but there was definitely something there. We finished the wine and slowly made our way to the door. He gave me a nice kiss goodbye and promised to call the next day and that we would go out later in the week.
Fast forward- He called the next day and we are going out again on Thursday. I’m giddy when I talk about him, but have also consulted my must-have list. See below:
Let’s go through the list (after one date). Yes, I am psycho.
Verbalizes needs – has already let me know that he won’t settle, wants to be happy with a partner, etc.
Tall- 6’5”
Thinner/good shape- he’s in great shape, little to no body fat, swims and is active.
College educated – Ag Major at the U of M
Job that affords moderate to high lifestyle – I’m thinking no. Lives in the basement of his friend’s home. Does must-have really mean “must-have”?
Socially liberal- Unsure yet.
Likes to touch- Yes
Gives verbal affirmation – Yes- Sends cute texts
Good hygiene- Yes- he even has nice feet
I can tell already that my needs/wants are more towards the physical and emotional categories. So now Patti’s has tasked me to list the top ten must-haves.Verbalizes needsOptimisticTallThinner/good shapeCollege educatedJob that affords moderate to high lifestyleSocially liberalLikes to touchAble to give me verbal affirmationGood hygienePatti goes on to say, “The top five entries on that list are your FIVE NON-NEGOTIABLES and you cannot compromise on these. They are the most important traits in a mate, and if the guy your seeing doesn’t have them, you need to move on. Yesterday. No exceptions.”
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Love on Craigslist?
Patti says,
“Online: There’s no shame anymore in meeting people on internet dating sites. It expands your options worldwide and allows you to meet people you’d never come in contact with otherwise.”
This entry is a cautionary tale. Let’s face it- I’m starting to feel the frustration of being single. It seems that everywhere I go couple are laughing, holding hands, and sharing priceless intimate moments. I on the other hand have resorted to looking for love on Craigslist. I found a seemingly good catch online while sitting at home last weekend. (Note to reader- it’s never a good indicator if on a Saturday night you are online looking for love.)
His ad promised a few things:
1. 5’11” , 160 lb
2. Cute, in fact, some people say hot
3. Fun, educated, etc.
I responded to his ad (Patti would not approve to a woman responding to a man’s ad). We shared a couple of emails, graduated to IM, and then spoke on the phone. All information pointed to him being a person I would want to meet. We decided to meet on a Wednesday night for dinner. He offered to pick me up. In less than good judgment gave him my address. I made sure to be “safe”. I sent his contact information to a co-worker, called the restaurant to confirm he made a reservation, googled him and finally carried a scissors in my purse.
When I saw him at my front door I realized I was over my head. I don’t think he was 5’11”, he looked different than his photo, and he didn’t look as trendy or professional as I had imagined. I promised my friend I would send her his license plate number (safety first). He noted that most people ask what his personalized license plate means. I made the mistake of asking what the plates mean. In a very serious tone he explained it was his HAMM radio call sign. There are local HAMM radio clubs, etc. Interesting- for some.
We went to a restaurant I had never been to. It was a good place for a first date both quaint and quiet. The conversation went well, but there was no connection. He picked up the tab and was a gentleman. He dropped me off and said we’d talk soon.
I should say that I do know it’s hard to put yourself out there. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to post an ad, meet a cute stranger, etc. I just want to find my Prince Charming. These men I have been dating are not frogs, they just aren’t my match. Yet.
“Online: There’s no shame anymore in meeting people on internet dating sites. It expands your options worldwide and allows you to meet people you’d never come in contact with otherwise.”
This entry is a cautionary tale. Let’s face it- I’m starting to feel the frustration of being single. It seems that everywhere I go couple are laughing, holding hands, and sharing priceless intimate moments. I on the other hand have resorted to looking for love on Craigslist. I found a seemingly good catch online while sitting at home last weekend. (Note to reader- it’s never a good indicator if on a Saturday night you are online looking for love.)
His ad promised a few things:
1. 5’11” , 160 lb
2. Cute, in fact, some people say hot
3. Fun, educated, etc.
I responded to his ad (Patti would not approve to a woman responding to a man’s ad). We shared a couple of emails, graduated to IM, and then spoke on the phone. All information pointed to him being a person I would want to meet. We decided to meet on a Wednesday night for dinner. He offered to pick me up. In less than good judgment gave him my address. I made sure to be “safe”. I sent his contact information to a co-worker, called the restaurant to confirm he made a reservation, googled him and finally carried a scissors in my purse.
When I saw him at my front door I realized I was over my head. I don’t think he was 5’11”, he looked different than his photo, and he didn’t look as trendy or professional as I had imagined. I promised my friend I would send her his license plate number (safety first). He noted that most people ask what his personalized license plate means. I made the mistake of asking what the plates mean. In a very serious tone he explained it was his HAMM radio call sign. There are local HAMM radio clubs, etc. Interesting- for some.
We went to a restaurant I had never been to. It was a good place for a first date both quaint and quiet. The conversation went well, but there was no connection. He picked up the tab and was a gentleman. He dropped me off and said we’d talk soon.
I should say that I do know it’s hard to put yourself out there. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to post an ad, meet a cute stranger, etc. I just want to find my Prince Charming. These men I have been dating are not frogs, they just aren’t my match. Yet.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Somebody Call 911
Again, I love my friends! They go above and beyond to try to find my Mr. Right. You would think I had everyone on commission with all of their hard work. My good friend Dave found a hunky man that might have qualified. Dave had taken his son to the fire department to see the BIG TRUCKS. In addition to seeing BIG TRUCKS, Dave met a BIG FIREFIGHTER. Firefighter Mike was given my basic vitals and decided to give it a chance.
I got Mike’s call and we spoke briefly about how I knew Dave, how he was approached to be my future husband, and where we would meet. I was pretty excited to hear we were going for sushi. He must be a cool guy if he is man enough to take a date to a sushi restaurant. I should have known that things were a little flaky when he asked I could meet at 6:00. I confirmed 6:00 and then he texted that 7:00 was better. I confirmed 7:00 and he said 6:00 works best for him. I confirmed 6:00 – no further changes.
We met at a nice sushi bar in Uptown. I wore a really cute low cute tee, jeans, heals (the normal date outfit). I texted to tell him what I was wearing and he replied that he was wearing a white shirt and no shoes. What the ???? I found out what he meant when he arrive. He was wearing flip flops. My date was wearing flip flops, shorts and a stained button up. Ok, the man was built and good looking, but I couldn’t get past the flip flops.
It was fun talking to him and listening to some interesting stories. That is until he told me about something that happened at work last week. He had gone on a call about a non-responsive infant. Me, the eternal optimist, thought this story would end well. It was tragic for the baby that CPR did not revive the little one. I hate even typing about this. He obviously saw the look of terror on my face. I think anyone would have a tough time recovering from that.
The conversation was light after that, but it was apparent that we weren’t a match. He graciously picked up the tab and our evening ended 75 minutes after it started. It was nice that he sent a text saying he had a nice time, but that he didn’t feel like we were a match. I wish everyone provided such clear feedback.
I got Mike’s call and we spoke briefly about how I knew Dave, how he was approached to be my future husband, and where we would meet. I was pretty excited to hear we were going for sushi. He must be a cool guy if he is man enough to take a date to a sushi restaurant. I should have known that things were a little flaky when he asked I could meet at 6:00. I confirmed 6:00 and then he texted that 7:00 was better. I confirmed 7:00 and he said 6:00 works best for him. I confirmed 6:00 – no further changes.
We met at a nice sushi bar in Uptown. I wore a really cute low cute tee, jeans, heals (the normal date outfit). I texted to tell him what I was wearing and he replied that he was wearing a white shirt and no shoes. What the ???? I found out what he meant when he arrive. He was wearing flip flops. My date was wearing flip flops, shorts and a stained button up. Ok, the man was built and good looking, but I couldn’t get past the flip flops.
It was fun talking to him and listening to some interesting stories. That is until he told me about something that happened at work last week. He had gone on a call about a non-responsive infant. Me, the eternal optimist, thought this story would end well. It was tragic for the baby that CPR did not revive the little one. I hate even typing about this. He obviously saw the look of terror on my face. I think anyone would have a tough time recovering from that.
The conversation was light after that, but it was apparent that we weren’t a match. He graciously picked up the tab and our evening ended 75 minutes after it started. It was nice that he sent a text saying he had a nice time, but that he didn’t feel like we were a match. I wish everyone provided such clear feedback.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Vegas Baby, Vegas
NEWS ALERT- Today Patti Stanger became engaged. Mother of all things matchmaking is off the market.
Patti says,
Where to meet men-
“Vegas, Baby! Not only do men love to golf, gamble, and attend bachelor parties here, but many are drawn to the big conventions “
Last weekend my girlfriends and I took a trip to Las Vegas. This was not the trip we would have taken ten years ago holed up at a Best Western eating at Waffle House for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This trip was about having a real adult vacation. We stayed at The Wynn in a double panoramic room – gorgeous! The beds had awesome linens, flat screens flanked the bedroom and bathroom walls AND the pool had saline (water and fake breasts). Friday and Saturday nights in Vegas are a far cry from Minneapolis, but we did our best to navigate the debauchery.
On Friday night we decided to have dinner at a tapas bar and then head to a club. While at the tapas bar we flirted relentlessly with Antonio. Antonio explained that he was a third-generation Las Vegas resident. Being a great service provider he flirted back and started us in a good mood. I had heard from a good friend (male) and from Antonio (our new local guide) that Pure at Caesar’s Palace was the place to go. We walked about six agonizing blocks. My four inch heals that looked amazing felt like they were tearing the flesh from my ankles. I continued on. Caesars was like a mirage in the desert promising alcohol and men.
Caesars was not a mirage. The club known as “Pure” was anything but. I would more accurately describe it as training school for tricks and hoes. The line into the club stretched longer than a boa. It was filled with twenty-somethings in barely-there clothing and feet that didn’t look bothered by four inch heels. After looking at our competition, the wait time, and the fact that we are entirely too good to stand in line for almost anything, we retreated. Leaving Pure was not that big of a deal. It was the knowledge that I had to continue walking in my shoes that were killing me one step at a time.
Thankfully one of our fellow travelers mentioned that Harrah’s had a great outdoor club. On our way we trotted (practically crawled). We arrived and took up refuge at the piano bar. After a few drinks things started to look better. Group consensus said it was time to try the outdoor club. It was pretty cool. The cover band played songs that were danceable and that we knew. Within five minutes I spotted the guy that tickled my fancy. He was leaning up against the bar. It was obvious that he was alone, looking himself, and feeling a little out of place. I said hello and flirted lightly. I then went to the dance floor recreating moves from my Carmen Electra workout video (a.k.a. strip aerobics). He was watching, smiling and it was easy from there. He grabbed two of us on the way back from the ladies room and offered to buy us drinks. Being the best wing woman ever, my friend disappeared back to the dance floor. I was left with Keith. Keith is a 38 year old from LA in Vegas on business. He was 6’5” and gorgeous. He lives in LA and is going through a divorce so long term is not in our future. However, my goal was to kiss a man in Vegas. He fits the bill. We moved to the dance floor and took part in the mating ritual known as grinding. It was fun and innocent enough. But alas, every evening must come to an end (as my feet were officially now bleeding). We said our goodbyes and shared a kiss worthy of an PG13 rating. The End.
Patti says,
Where to meet men-
“Vegas, Baby! Not only do men love to golf, gamble, and attend bachelor parties here, but many are drawn to the big conventions “
Last weekend my girlfriends and I took a trip to Las Vegas. This was not the trip we would have taken ten years ago holed up at a Best Western eating at Waffle House for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This trip was about having a real adult vacation. We stayed at The Wynn in a double panoramic room – gorgeous! The beds had awesome linens, flat screens flanked the bedroom and bathroom walls AND the pool had saline (water and fake breasts). Friday and Saturday nights in Vegas are a far cry from Minneapolis, but we did our best to navigate the debauchery.
On Friday night we decided to have dinner at a tapas bar and then head to a club. While at the tapas bar we flirted relentlessly with Antonio. Antonio explained that he was a third-generation Las Vegas resident. Being a great service provider he flirted back and started us in a good mood. I had heard from a good friend (male) and from Antonio (our new local guide) that Pure at Caesar’s Palace was the place to go. We walked about six agonizing blocks. My four inch heals that looked amazing felt like they were tearing the flesh from my ankles. I continued on. Caesars was like a mirage in the desert promising alcohol and men.
Caesars was not a mirage. The club known as “Pure” was anything but. I would more accurately describe it as training school for tricks and hoes. The line into the club stretched longer than a boa. It was filled with twenty-somethings in barely-there clothing and feet that didn’t look bothered by four inch heels. After looking at our competition, the wait time, and the fact that we are entirely too good to stand in line for almost anything, we retreated. Leaving Pure was not that big of a deal. It was the knowledge that I had to continue walking in my shoes that were killing me one step at a time.
Thankfully one of our fellow travelers mentioned that Harrah’s had a great outdoor club. On our way we trotted (practically crawled). We arrived and took up refuge at the piano bar. After a few drinks things started to look better. Group consensus said it was time to try the outdoor club. It was pretty cool. The cover band played songs that were danceable and that we knew. Within five minutes I spotted the guy that tickled my fancy. He was leaning up against the bar. It was obvious that he was alone, looking himself, and feeling a little out of place. I said hello and flirted lightly. I then went to the dance floor recreating moves from my Carmen Electra workout video (a.k.a. strip aerobics). He was watching, smiling and it was easy from there. He grabbed two of us on the way back from the ladies room and offered to buy us drinks. Being the best wing woman ever, my friend disappeared back to the dance floor. I was left with Keith. Keith is a 38 year old from LA in Vegas on business. He was 6’5” and gorgeous. He lives in LA and is going through a divorce so long term is not in our future. However, my goal was to kiss a man in Vegas. He fits the bill. We moved to the dance floor and took part in the mating ritual known as grinding. It was fun and innocent enough. But alas, every evening must come to an end (as my feet were officially now bleeding). We said our goodbyes and shared a kiss worthy of an PG13 rating. The End.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Embarrassing Thread - The Big Maybe Update
ME
July 6 at 10:09pm
Hi Ken,I hate sending an email, but we haven’t talked about how the recent lip contact. I want to be open with what is going on in my head and hope you are comfortable doing the same. I am very much looking the person who will make the best long-term match for wacky me. I have been having fun hanging out with you but also realize that having fun doesn’t equate to the right combination. So, I wanted to do a check in with you on your thoughts. Let me know what you think. Is it weird/appropriate to hang out? I think it’s important that as a dating adult I am open and honest as there are two parties both looking for all of the risks and rewards of partnership. It’s only right that I do it in a responsible and respectful way.Jess
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HIM
July 6 at 10:35pm
Yes I enjoy hanging out with you, and I guess I was seeing where things were heading, but wasn't thinking that we were destined for marriage just yet... Ha ha! Your right we should chat about the kissing, but at the same time it sounds as though you already believe it's inappropriate? So, you let me know what you want....I know you have a lot of things going on, and figured you just wanted to enjoy each other’s company. I sent you a txt, but give me shout to discuss if you want
ME
July 6 at 10:49pm
Funny. I think I tend to over communicate, but you and I haven't gotten into the subject. I'm not saying that what we are doing is inappropriate. I'm saying that I enjoy hanging out with you I just don't think we will end up hanging out till death do us part. I just wanted to make sure that I was communicating with you where I'm at. Heck, you probably aren't even close to thinking about next steps....I'm just being a certifiable freak star.I'm not saying we can't or shouldn't hang out, I just wanted to make sure I communicated appropriately (in case you were already picking out baby names) Joke of course. We can talk in person...it's kind of hard via text and email. Sorry to start the conversation this way!
ME
Today at 7:59am
Morning!So, I have officially acted like an idiot. I do enjoy your company. I'm having fun. Maybe I shouldn't have made it into anything more than it needs to be. I'll stop being such a girl now.Jess
HIM
Today at 8:09am
You mean I need to stop wedding ring shopping??? Damn!!! J/KPart of my resolution.... including the getting new job, and selling the house, was to live in the now! I'm really not trying to think about meeting the "one" and settling down in the next year...it will happen when it happens. I'm just looking to meet some great people have some fun, do new things, and just enjoy life. Besides, you’re the one who a) has to finish up with her MBA (you question that every time I see ya :P), and b) has told me in the past your relationships only last 3 months anyway, so the way I look at it, let’s just enjoy each other’s company for the rest of the summer, by fall I will be tired of you and your freak star ways.....and dump you anyway....ha ha!!!! (hope the sarcasm comes through in email) or was it that you dump them???? HmmmmmEither way....don’t worry about it....but I guess getting back to the point that originally brought up this question....lip contact? Does that continue or not? I can handle it if you can ;)Have a great day! And next time just call before you go freak star on me....ha haKen
HIM
Today at 8:11am
No worries.....I like seeing you worked up a little!!! I wrote the previous message as a response to yours from last night...and now I see you sent me another one....let’s just have fun if you’re ok with that???Have a great day....and fun with studying tonight? That tutor really made you think last night!
ME
Today at 8:28am
So- I got all worked up about nothing! So typically me. I feel better now (not cured, but better).I like your view.Jess
HIM
Today at 8:34am
so do you still want to get together this week (if and when you have time??) I don’t want to stress you out too much...but if we don’t exchange and email or two a day and keep the communication open....you start to think too much ;)oh...and we can keep it to just lip contact if you want.....I think you told me you snore terribly so I’m not sure if I would want to spend the night with ya!!! ha ha!
ME
Today at 12:02pm
Yes, I still want to get together. We might have to push to Sunday or next week. I have my final on Wednesday and will likely be working on Econ and packing on Thursday night. I do snore. It's really not worth it :)
July 6 at 10:09pm
Hi Ken,I hate sending an email, but we haven’t talked about how the recent lip contact. I want to be open with what is going on in my head and hope you are comfortable doing the same. I am very much looking the person who will make the best long-term match for wacky me. I have been having fun hanging out with you but also realize that having fun doesn’t equate to the right combination. So, I wanted to do a check in with you on your thoughts. Let me know what you think. Is it weird/appropriate to hang out? I think it’s important that as a dating adult I am open and honest as there are two parties both looking for all of the risks and rewards of partnership. It’s only right that I do it in a responsible and respectful way.Jess
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HIM
July 6 at 10:35pm
Yes I enjoy hanging out with you, and I guess I was seeing where things were heading, but wasn't thinking that we were destined for marriage just yet... Ha ha! Your right we should chat about the kissing, but at the same time it sounds as though you already believe it's inappropriate? So, you let me know what you want....I know you have a lot of things going on, and figured you just wanted to enjoy each other’s company. I sent you a txt, but give me shout to discuss if you want
ME
July 6 at 10:49pm
Funny. I think I tend to over communicate, but you and I haven't gotten into the subject. I'm not saying that what we are doing is inappropriate. I'm saying that I enjoy hanging out with you I just don't think we will end up hanging out till death do us part. I just wanted to make sure that I was communicating with you where I'm at. Heck, you probably aren't even close to thinking about next steps....I'm just being a certifiable freak star.I'm not saying we can't or shouldn't hang out, I just wanted to make sure I communicated appropriately (in case you were already picking out baby names) Joke of course. We can talk in person...it's kind of hard via text and email. Sorry to start the conversation this way!
ME
Today at 7:59am
Morning!So, I have officially acted like an idiot. I do enjoy your company. I'm having fun. Maybe I shouldn't have made it into anything more than it needs to be. I'll stop being such a girl now.Jess
HIM
Today at 8:09am
You mean I need to stop wedding ring shopping??? Damn!!! J/KPart of my resolution.... including the getting new job, and selling the house, was to live in the now! I'm really not trying to think about meeting the "one" and settling down in the next year...it will happen when it happens. I'm just looking to meet some great people have some fun, do new things, and just enjoy life. Besides, you’re the one who a) has to finish up with her MBA (you question that every time I see ya :P), and b) has told me in the past your relationships only last 3 months anyway, so the way I look at it, let’s just enjoy each other’s company for the rest of the summer, by fall I will be tired of you and your freak star ways.....and dump you anyway....ha ha!!!! (hope the sarcasm comes through in email) or was it that you dump them???? HmmmmmEither way....don’t worry about it....but I guess getting back to the point that originally brought up this question....lip contact? Does that continue or not? I can handle it if you can ;)Have a great day! And next time just call before you go freak star on me....ha haKen
HIM
Today at 8:11am
No worries.....I like seeing you worked up a little!!! I wrote the previous message as a response to yours from last night...and now I see you sent me another one....let’s just have fun if you’re ok with that???Have a great day....and fun with studying tonight? That tutor really made you think last night!
ME
Today at 8:28am
So- I got all worked up about nothing! So typically me. I feel better now (not cured, but better).I like your view.Jess
HIM
Today at 8:34am
so do you still want to get together this week (if and when you have time??) I don’t want to stress you out too much...but if we don’t exchange and email or two a day and keep the communication open....you start to think too much ;)oh...and we can keep it to just lip contact if you want.....I think you told me you snore terribly so I’m not sure if I would want to spend the night with ya!!! ha ha!
ME
Today at 12:02pm
Yes, I still want to get together. We might have to push to Sunday or next week. I have my final on Wednesday and will likely be working on Econ and packing on Thursday night. I do snore. It's really not worth it :)
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Puma or Cougar? You tell me!
Puma as defined in Urban Dictionary as a woman who is not quite old enough to be a cougar, but still likes to date/mate with younger men. The scary part is that a cougar is described as a woman over 35 who dates younger men and I’m 34.5.
On Wednesday I went out with a man all of 25. I should note that I am very happy that my friends are setting me up on dates in hope of finding my Mr. Right. Unfortunately, he isn’t my Mr. Right.
It was a beautiful evening in Minneapolis. We don’t get many days that are perfect for sitting outside on a patio. I was lucky enough to spend the evening at an early happy hour at Brit’s on their rooftop patio. I met the young buck through a good friend and her husband. It is their goal that I find a good man who will adore me. I think they were on a good path (if I was ten years younger). This guy was cute and sweet and will make a very good husband someday. However, I knew that he wouldn’t be my husband after some conversation. One of his favorite movies is Dumb and Dumber. He hadn’t ever seen one of mine which is Sixteen Candles. He lives with his parents (interim only) as his college roommate just got married and the other one moved away. We spent two nice hours in the sun enjoying cider beer, appetizers and light exchanges. We both knew those two hours would never be repeated. After happy hour we parted without the obligatory, “I’ll call you”. I am happy that it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. It was just two people trying everything they can to find their perfect match.
On Wednesday I went out with a man all of 25. I should note that I am very happy that my friends are setting me up on dates in hope of finding my Mr. Right. Unfortunately, he isn’t my Mr. Right.
It was a beautiful evening in Minneapolis. We don’t get many days that are perfect for sitting outside on a patio. I was lucky enough to spend the evening at an early happy hour at Brit’s on their rooftop patio. I met the young buck through a good friend and her husband. It is their goal that I find a good man who will adore me. I think they were on a good path (if I was ten years younger). This guy was cute and sweet and will make a very good husband someday. However, I knew that he wouldn’t be my husband after some conversation. One of his favorite movies is Dumb and Dumber. He hadn’t ever seen one of mine which is Sixteen Candles. He lives with his parents (interim only) as his college roommate just got married and the other one moved away. We spent two nice hours in the sun enjoying cider beer, appetizers and light exchanges. We both knew those two hours would never be repeated. After happy hour we parted without the obligatory, “I’ll call you”. I am happy that it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. It was just two people trying everything they can to find their perfect match.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Ten Must Haves
Patti says,
“You need to decide what your deal breakers are, and you must never ever lick the earlobe of anyone that doesn’t add up. To better define your own deal breakers, try the following exercise:”
Five important categories and my priorities
Spiritual
Open
Believes what comes around goes around
Moral compass intact
Optimistic
Physical
Tall
Thinner/good shape
Smells good
Likes to touch
Good hygiene
Emotional
Verbalizes needs
Asks probing questions
Able to talk on the phone
Able to give verbal affirmation
Intellectual
College educated
Life-long learner
Open to discussion and new ideas
Socially liberal
Financial
Not frugal
Limited to no debt
Savings and retirement
Job that affords moderate to high lifestyle
I can tell already that my needs/wants are more towards the physical and emotional categories. So now Patti’s has tasked me to list the top ten must-haves.
Verbalizes needs
Optimistic
Tall
Thinner/good shape
College educated
Job that affords moderate to high lifestyle
Socially liberal
Likes to touch
Able to give me verbal affirmation
Good hygiene
Patti goes on to say, “The top five entries on that list are your FIVE NON-NEGOTIABLES, and you cannot compromise on these. They are the most important traits in a mate, and if the guy your seeing doesn’t have them, you need to move on. Yesterday. No exceptions.”
I don’t know if my non-negotiable are finalized, but it’s a good starting point.
“You need to decide what your deal breakers are, and you must never ever lick the earlobe of anyone that doesn’t add up. To better define your own deal breakers, try the following exercise:”
Five important categories and my priorities
Spiritual
Open
Believes what comes around goes around
Moral compass intact
Optimistic
Physical
Tall
Thinner/good shape
Smells good
Likes to touch
Good hygiene
Emotional
Verbalizes needs
Asks probing questions
Able to talk on the phone
Able to give verbal affirmation
Intellectual
College educated
Life-long learner
Open to discussion and new ideas
Socially liberal
Financial
Not frugal
Limited to no debt
Savings and retirement
Job that affords moderate to high lifestyle
I can tell already that my needs/wants are more towards the physical and emotional categories. So now Patti’s has tasked me to list the top ten must-haves.
Verbalizes needs
Optimistic
Tall
Thinner/good shape
College educated
Job that affords moderate to high lifestyle
Socially liberal
Likes to touch
Able to give me verbal affirmation
Good hygiene
Patti goes on to say, “The top five entries on that list are your FIVE NON-NEGOTIABLES, and you cannot compromise on these. They are the most important traits in a mate, and if the guy your seeing doesn’t have them, you need to move on. Yesterday. No exceptions.”
I don’t know if my non-negotiable are finalized, but it’s a good starting point.
Update to my life (Patti is on holiday this week)
I have built the coffee shop man magnet up so much in my head. I have decided he is likely an artist, my age, a transplant to Minneapolis searching for true love. According to my research I cannot verify if any of these facts is true. Trevor (yes, the puppy has a name) has turned into a part-time obsession. I have spent time Google stalking a near complete stranger. With three pieces of information – first name, place of employment, and job title I have been able to find out interesting tidbits on my hottie of the week. Who am I kidding? He has been on my short list for almost two weeks.
I’ve also realized I have been seeing things. About a week ago I could have sworn I saw him at a competing coffee shop. For fear of being noticed (and labeled a stalker) I didn’t get my coffee there. I have however driven by said coffee shop three of the past four nights. BINGO – Tonight I saw him in the window and decided I was going for it. I grabbed a latte and sauntered/nervously staggered towards him. You know what? It wasn’t him. Here I am now writing this stupid blog looking at a doppelganger that is nowhere near as attractive as coffee shop boy. What have I become? Hey, don’t answer that!
Back to Plan B. (we all know I have no plan b)
Let me know if it is wrong to post coffee shop man's photo
I’ve also realized I have been seeing things. About a week ago I could have sworn I saw him at a competing coffee shop. For fear of being noticed (and labeled a stalker) I didn’t get my coffee there. I have however driven by said coffee shop three of the past four nights. BINGO – Tonight I saw him in the window and decided I was going for it. I grabbed a latte and sauntered/nervously staggered towards him. You know what? It wasn’t him. Here I am now writing this stupid blog looking at a doppelganger that is nowhere near as attractive as coffee shop boy. What have I become? Hey, don’t answer that!
Back to Plan B. (we all know I have no plan b)
Let me know if it is wrong to post coffee shop man's photo
Friday, June 19, 2009
Misc. Encounters - Not Michael Vartan as pictured
I have been attractive to two men in the past week (details below).
Cute guy in my building:
About my age
Attractive
Nice smile
I waved at him
Smart guy at the coffee shop:
About my age
Attractive
Hardworking
Small chit chat
I need to now figure out how to speak in coherant sentences to these types of men. Help!
Cute guy in my building:
About my age
Attractive
Nice smile
I waved at him
Smart guy at the coffee shop:
About my age
Attractive
Hardworking
Small chit chat
I need to now figure out how to speak in coherant sentences to these types of men. Help!
The Big Maybe
Patti says,
“The Big Maybe: He’s a member of your ten must haves club. He’s a “cusper” and you could go either way with him. He’s usually your second choice, but don’t tell him that. You’re not quite ready to put him in the friend category yet….He’s someone with whom it’s too early to tell, and you’re taking your time.
I met Ken last year when I had my tour de Minneapolis of dating last fall (nine dates in eight days). I didn’t have an initial physical connection with him, but he definitely had a good personality. I feel comfortable with him, appreciated, and adored. It’s been a number of months since I saw Ken and tonight we met to catch up. I’m not completely preoccupied with physical appearances; however it’s important to have some physical connection. I’ve dated my fair share of men that are big boned, small …., receding hairlines, etc. I’m not looking for Michael Vartan (but wouldn’t complain if he showed up at my door). Anyway…Ken definitely has changed since our last meeting; he’s lost 35 pounds and somehow ditched his glasses (or perhaps got Lasik). I looked at him in a different way tonight. I could imagine a first kiss. I could imagine him out of the friend zone.
My gut hasn’t said yes or no. My head tells me this nice, good guy is exactly what I need. I’ll take Patti’s advice and see where this will go.
“The Big Maybe: He’s a member of your ten must haves club. He’s a “cusper” and you could go either way with him. He’s usually your second choice, but don’t tell him that. You’re not quite ready to put him in the friend category yet….He’s someone with whom it’s too early to tell, and you’re taking your time.
I met Ken last year when I had my tour de Minneapolis of dating last fall (nine dates in eight days). I didn’t have an initial physical connection with him, but he definitely had a good personality. I feel comfortable with him, appreciated, and adored. It’s been a number of months since I saw Ken and tonight we met to catch up. I’m not completely preoccupied with physical appearances; however it’s important to have some physical connection. I’ve dated my fair share of men that are big boned, small …., receding hairlines, etc. I’m not looking for Michael Vartan (but wouldn’t complain if he showed up at my door). Anyway…Ken definitely has changed since our last meeting; he’s lost 35 pounds and somehow ditched his glasses (or perhaps got Lasik). I looked at him in a different way tonight. I could imagine a first kiss. I could imagine him out of the friend zone.
My gut hasn’t said yes or no. My head tells me this nice, good guy is exactly what I need. I’ll take Patti’s advice and see where this will go.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Grr update
Wow!
I can't believe I forgot to close the loop on the hot and elusive Brian. I texted Brian on Friday night after the speed dating debacle. I asked if he lost my number and he replied, "Yes". The girls let me know that was not a good thing. I provided myself closure by this response, "I understand the "lost number"...ha ha...it was fun meeting you...enjoy the summer".
Another one bites the dust.
I can't believe I forgot to close the loop on the hot and elusive Brian. I texted Brian on Friday night after the speed dating debacle. I asked if he lost my number and he replied, "Yes". The girls let me know that was not a good thing. I provided myself closure by this response, "I understand the "lost number"...ha ha...it was fun meeting you...enjoy the summer".
Another one bites the dust.
Grrr - all dressed up and crazy lion guy to meet
Patti says,
I can’t think of anything that Patti would say about this one…..
Friday night is a memory I would like to soon forget. I would have been happier if completely intoxicated for my thirteen dates. “Thirteen dates!” you might exclaim. This is exactly how many five minute dates I had. The odds would suggest at least one of these men could have been a potential match for a future date. This was a night in which odds were not in my favor.
The concept of speed dating is not new. However, for me it gave me a new view into what being single means. Being single means you try almost anything to find your true love. I paid money to attend an event promising professional singles between 28-38. Unfortunately, I don’t think age or educational backgrounds were verified. I met men who looked well beyond 38 and considered a two year technical degree as a professional degree. Maybe I should have read the fine print.
It started off as a fun evening getting ready with the girls. I wore Sam Edelman heels that made legs on my 5’3” frame look a mile long. The shoes were flanked by a high-waisted skirt and v-neck blouse. Tania played Nick Arrojo (famous coiffeur on What Not to Wear); she blew my hair out to perfection. Becky played Fred Winston and supplied the jewelry and Michelle hyped us up. We picked up Jennifer and were on our way to find my future love.
The girls and I had a quick drink (less than ½ for me) before the event started. The event was held in a back conference room at a new hip hotel downtown. Conference rooms with banquet tables do not scream new, hip or romantic. My first date was late. When he sat down he literally said, “I hope you don’t like your dates to be punctual”. Apparently his happy hour had run late. This was not a good sign as to how the evening would go. I tried to find a redeeming quality in every man. I did find nice qualities, however no matches. I’ll share just a couple of the reasons we weren’t compatible.
Date A- His favorite movie is No Reservations. In my opinion, this movie is terrible. I know this is petty, but I really can’t get past it.
Date B- He only wants to travel to locations where people speak English. One of my joys in life is traveling internationally and being outside of my comfort zone.
Date C- Had a silver ring on his thumb that extended the length of the digit. I made the mistake of asking if his thumb could bend. He proceeded to bend his thumb exposing a surprise- the ring was a lion whose mouth opened when the finger bent. Grrr.
Needless to say, I didn’t find love. However, I found that I have great girlfriends that will continue to support me with whatever hair brained schemes I have to find my match. Until next time.
I can’t think of anything that Patti would say about this one…..
Friday night is a memory I would like to soon forget. I would have been happier if completely intoxicated for my thirteen dates. “Thirteen dates!” you might exclaim. This is exactly how many five minute dates I had. The odds would suggest at least one of these men could have been a potential match for a future date. This was a night in which odds were not in my favor.
The concept of speed dating is not new. However, for me it gave me a new view into what being single means. Being single means you try almost anything to find your true love. I paid money to attend an event promising professional singles between 28-38. Unfortunately, I don’t think age or educational backgrounds were verified. I met men who looked well beyond 38 and considered a two year technical degree as a professional degree. Maybe I should have read the fine print.
It started off as a fun evening getting ready with the girls. I wore Sam Edelman heels that made legs on my 5’3” frame look a mile long. The shoes were flanked by a high-waisted skirt and v-neck blouse. Tania played Nick Arrojo (famous coiffeur on What Not to Wear); she blew my hair out to perfection. Becky played Fred Winston and supplied the jewelry and Michelle hyped us up. We picked up Jennifer and were on our way to find my future love.
The girls and I had a quick drink (less than ½ for me) before the event started. The event was held in a back conference room at a new hip hotel downtown. Conference rooms with banquet tables do not scream new, hip or romantic. My first date was late. When he sat down he literally said, “I hope you don’t like your dates to be punctual”. Apparently his happy hour had run late. This was not a good sign as to how the evening would go. I tried to find a redeeming quality in every man. I did find nice qualities, however no matches. I’ll share just a couple of the reasons we weren’t compatible.
Date A- His favorite movie is No Reservations. In my opinion, this movie is terrible. I know this is petty, but I really can’t get past it.
Date B- He only wants to travel to locations where people speak English. One of my joys in life is traveling internationally and being outside of my comfort zone.
Date C- Had a silver ring on his thumb that extended the length of the digit. I made the mistake of asking if his thumb could bend. He proceeded to bend his thumb exposing a surprise- the ring was a lion whose mouth opened when the finger bent. Grrr.
Needless to say, I didn’t find love. However, I found that I have great girlfriends that will continue to support me with whatever hair brained schemes I have to find my match. Until next time.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
WWPD?
Patti says,
“The woman who gives more than the man in a relationship reverses the masculine/feminine roles. First the man will appreciate it, then he’ll expect it, and eventually he’ll resent it.”
Continued
“Also, she who touches money gives off masculine energy, so you can’t physically touch cash before his eyes or whip out plastic to pay the check. Why? Because, as I’ve noted, the man is the hunter, the woman is the gatherer, and the man is supposed to provide for the woman. So if she begins providing for him, it throws off the balance”.
I am a rational, independent, financially stable woman. I want to say that over and over until everyone listens. I thought I knew better than Patti (and perhaps I do), but none-the-less, not following her advice put me in dating limbo; it’s the single girl’s version of purgatory.
It all began a week ago today. I knew I would be out of town last weekend and REALLY wanted to see Brian. I opted to play a bit aggressive and ask him out. I explained that I didn’t want it to be an “official” date, but was excited to see him. On Thursday night he picked me up and we had dinner at The Liffey (a fun patio location downtown St. Paul). Things were going well (I think). We shared a burger and salad and had a few laughs. The bill came and I plopped down my Amex Gold. UGH. Just replaying this in my mind is pissing me off.
We then were off to have a little adventure. I planned for us to rock climb in an indoor gym. I was hoping to see him in all of his athletic glory while helping me learn something new. My plan was flawless, or so I thought. He had already been a certified climber which meant he could help me, but I couldn’t help him. This relegated us to the kiddie climbing walls. While enjoyable, something felt “off”. We didn’t have the physical energy from prior dates. He didn’t accidently brush up against me or even attempt to seduce me with one of his mind blowing kisses. Something was amiss. Neither one of us made mention of it.
He drove me home and this is where I turned into a bumbling idiot. I asked if he wanted to come up for a beer. It was about 10:00 PM and he said he had an early workout so he needed to pass. In retrospect he really stayed on his side of the car not leaning over for the obligatory goodbye kiss. Being the spitfire that I am I requested a kiss. He obliged, but it wasn’t the same. As I got out of the car he said he would call me Sunday when I was back in town. Clue #1 he’s just not into me- he said no to coming up to my place. Clue #2- HE SAID NO TO COMING UP TO MY PLACE!
Fast forward to today. It’s Tuesday. He hasn’t called. I’m an emotional basket case wondering how one guy could have my panties in a bunch after a couple of dates and PG make out sessions. What is wrong with me? Where is this rational and independent woman I speak of?
In my irrational state of being I texted him last night. He replied today that he had a fun busy weekend and now is in Washington. My text back said, “State or DC? Have fun! Let me know if you want to catch up…or did that count as our 4th date? Don’t work too hard.” (The reference to the fourth date is that he has said he generally knows by the fourth date if a relationship will ensue). He responsed via text, “State. Seattle.Sweet.” What does that mean? Sweet he won’t work too hard? Sweet he is madly in love with me? Sweet- you understand this isn’t going anywhere? Please someone whip out your man text decoder ring and help!
So, here I am in dating purgatory. I’m trying to tell myself that not everyone is a match. That I will find my Prince Charming and that he will kiss me so passionately that I can’t think straight. I’m also telling myself that unless he calls crying about how sorry he is and shows up with flowers and chocolates I won’t see him again. I want to make a clean break and shout, “he’s dead to me”. I know I won’t be that strong. I know for the next week I will check my phone in hopes that he calls or texts.
Moral of the story: NA. I don’t think this had anything to do with my paying for dinner. However, I vowed to follow Patti’s advice and must now do it. Before all relevant decisions on what I should do next I will ask myself WWPD*. I would like to give credit to Kristy for coining that phrase.
*What Would Patti Do?
“The woman who gives more than the man in a relationship reverses the masculine/feminine roles. First the man will appreciate it, then he’ll expect it, and eventually he’ll resent it.”
Continued
“Also, she who touches money gives off masculine energy, so you can’t physically touch cash before his eyes or whip out plastic to pay the check. Why? Because, as I’ve noted, the man is the hunter, the woman is the gatherer, and the man is supposed to provide for the woman. So if she begins providing for him, it throws off the balance”.
I am a rational, independent, financially stable woman. I want to say that over and over until everyone listens. I thought I knew better than Patti (and perhaps I do), but none-the-less, not following her advice put me in dating limbo; it’s the single girl’s version of purgatory.
It all began a week ago today. I knew I would be out of town last weekend and REALLY wanted to see Brian. I opted to play a bit aggressive and ask him out. I explained that I didn’t want it to be an “official” date, but was excited to see him. On Thursday night he picked me up and we had dinner at The Liffey (a fun patio location downtown St. Paul). Things were going well (I think). We shared a burger and salad and had a few laughs. The bill came and I plopped down my Amex Gold. UGH. Just replaying this in my mind is pissing me off.
We then were off to have a little adventure. I planned for us to rock climb in an indoor gym. I was hoping to see him in all of his athletic glory while helping me learn something new. My plan was flawless, or so I thought. He had already been a certified climber which meant he could help me, but I couldn’t help him. This relegated us to the kiddie climbing walls. While enjoyable, something felt “off”. We didn’t have the physical energy from prior dates. He didn’t accidently brush up against me or even attempt to seduce me with one of his mind blowing kisses. Something was amiss. Neither one of us made mention of it.
He drove me home and this is where I turned into a bumbling idiot. I asked if he wanted to come up for a beer. It was about 10:00 PM and he said he had an early workout so he needed to pass. In retrospect he really stayed on his side of the car not leaning over for the obligatory goodbye kiss. Being the spitfire that I am I requested a kiss. He obliged, but it wasn’t the same. As I got out of the car he said he would call me Sunday when I was back in town. Clue #1 he’s just not into me- he said no to coming up to my place. Clue #2- HE SAID NO TO COMING UP TO MY PLACE!
Fast forward to today. It’s Tuesday. He hasn’t called. I’m an emotional basket case wondering how one guy could have my panties in a bunch after a couple of dates and PG make out sessions. What is wrong with me? Where is this rational and independent woman I speak of?
In my irrational state of being I texted him last night. He replied today that he had a fun busy weekend and now is in Washington. My text back said, “State or DC? Have fun! Let me know if you want to catch up…or did that count as our 4th date? Don’t work too hard.” (The reference to the fourth date is that he has said he generally knows by the fourth date if a relationship will ensue). He responsed via text, “State. Seattle.Sweet.” What does that mean? Sweet he won’t work too hard? Sweet he is madly in love with me? Sweet- you understand this isn’t going anywhere? Please someone whip out your man text decoder ring and help!
So, here I am in dating purgatory. I’m trying to tell myself that not everyone is a match. That I will find my Prince Charming and that he will kiss me so passionately that I can’t think straight. I’m also telling myself that unless he calls crying about how sorry he is and shows up with flowers and chocolates I won’t see him again. I want to make a clean break and shout, “he’s dead to me”. I know I won’t be that strong. I know for the next week I will check my phone in hopes that he calls or texts.
Moral of the story: NA. I don’t think this had anything to do with my paying for dinner. However, I vowed to follow Patti’s advice and must now do it. Before all relevant decisions on what I should do next I will ask myself WWPD*. I would like to give credit to Kristy for coining that phrase.
*What Would Patti Do?
Monday, May 25, 2009
Qualifying the Buyer
Patti says,
“So many girls stand on the sidelines, passively waiting to be picked. Wrong tactic! My mom used to say to me, “A good woman will signal a man then let him come to her”. Remember, you’re not in a hurry (at least you shouldn’t be). You should take your time to prequalify all prospective candidates, and wait until the perfect husband comes along. After all, you want a marriage that lasts a lifetime, don’t you?”
Brian took me out on another Sunday date. He let me know that we would be outside most of the date. He even picked up sunscreen when I explained I burned easily. Again, he picked me up on time. We had a nice conversation on the car ride to the race track. We sat in the sun for a few hours betting on horses and chit chatting. It’s fun getting to know someone; it’s nice to know that someone wants to share themselves with you. I don’t want to say I am qualifying him quite yet, but definitely doing some basic investigation.
Findings:
· He used a coupon for entrance to the track. I’m not sure what Patti would say about this, but I think it takes a confident person to do that on a date. It also shows he is fiscally responsible. Hopefully this doesn’t also mean he is cheap.
· He believes he know if you want to date someone more seriously by the fourth date. If it’s not there by then, move on. I’m terrified! I’ve already made it through 2.5 dates. This is however quite the reprieve after dating men who think it takes one to four years to determine if things can get more serious.
· He doesn’t think people should live with each other before they get married. He has seen engagements break off and views marriage as the catalyst for cohabitation.
· He doesn’t want to talk about how many women he has been with. Don’t worry, I didn’t ask. I don’t want to know and I don’t kiss and tell either.
The date went very well. There were slight touches (mainly by me not being able to take my hands of his chiseled body) and little kisses along the way. It was the perfect combination of talk and touch. I have said many times that you need to love your partner with your head, heart, gut and groin. I’m positive my groin has already weighed in to the positive side. My gut tells me this is good too. Now I need to listen and learn about what my head and heart say. I’m hoping date three will provide more insight.
“So many girls stand on the sidelines, passively waiting to be picked. Wrong tactic! My mom used to say to me, “A good woman will signal a man then let him come to her”. Remember, you’re not in a hurry (at least you shouldn’t be). You should take your time to prequalify all prospective candidates, and wait until the perfect husband comes along. After all, you want a marriage that lasts a lifetime, don’t you?”
Brian took me out on another Sunday date. He let me know that we would be outside most of the date. He even picked up sunscreen when I explained I burned easily. Again, he picked me up on time. We had a nice conversation on the car ride to the race track. We sat in the sun for a few hours betting on horses and chit chatting. It’s fun getting to know someone; it’s nice to know that someone wants to share themselves with you. I don’t want to say I am qualifying him quite yet, but definitely doing some basic investigation.
Findings:
· He used a coupon for entrance to the track. I’m not sure what Patti would say about this, but I think it takes a confident person to do that on a date. It also shows he is fiscally responsible. Hopefully this doesn’t also mean he is cheap.
· He believes he know if you want to date someone more seriously by the fourth date. If it’s not there by then, move on. I’m terrified! I’ve already made it through 2.5 dates. This is however quite the reprieve after dating men who think it takes one to four years to determine if things can get more serious.
· He doesn’t think people should live with each other before they get married. He has seen engagements break off and views marriage as the catalyst for cohabitation.
· He doesn’t want to talk about how many women he has been with. Don’t worry, I didn’t ask. I don’t want to know and I don’t kiss and tell either.
The date went very well. There were slight touches (mainly by me not being able to take my hands of his chiseled body) and little kisses along the way. It was the perfect combination of talk and touch. I have said many times that you need to love your partner with your head, heart, gut and groin. I’m positive my groin has already weighed in to the positive side. My gut tells me this is good too. Now I need to listen and learn about what my head and heart say. I’m hoping date three will provide more insight.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
The One You really Like
Patti says,
The One You Really Like
“This is the man you are instantly, passionately, insanely attracted to. He’s the one you can’t wait to sleep with, and the one who ignites irrationally jealousy when he so much smiles at the waitress.”
I am instantly, passionately, and insanely attracted to Brian. Last night he had friends over for a BBQ after a long day on the boat. He invited me over. Against my better judgment I went to his house at about 9:30. I wondered immediately if I was making a mistake. He was in his “safe zone” with his friends and in a drunken state- maybe just tipsy. I was out of my comfort zone and learning more about him that I had anticipated early in the dating process. Learning about the roommates, his neighbors, an apparent illegal substance being partaken by some on the sun porch was eye opening. Everyone left and we were alone.
I had two beers (for me that’s the equivalent of about a six pack for a normal girl). Sitting on the couch I was trying to figure out my timing. How could I lean over and kiss him? Would he kiss me? What the hell was I doing? I finally took the initiative and told him I was going to kiss him. It was amazing! I’m talking Pride and Prejudice, Walk in the Clouds, Sixteen Candles perfect. We talked a bit and I believe he became a bit sneaky. He said he thought his roommates were pulling up so maybe we should move from the couch- hmmmm….to the bedroom.
While in his bedroom I made myself comfortable noting the inferior thread count and hard mattress. However, I quickly took my focus away from the linens when he joined me on the bed. I won’t get too graphic, but I will say it was amazing. It was completely intoxicating and still PG. He pulled my favorite move from Clueless and tugged at my hair while he kissed me. I’m telling you all rational thought left my brain and I was left with mushy gushy warm stomach flutter. There was chemistry that I hadn’t felt in years. Not just kissing a new man chemistry, but can you imagine feeling so good about anything chemistry. I wanted to tear our clothes off and destroy any chance at another date. Instead, I stopped myself (and him) and forced myself to go home. I have been replaying those ten minutes over and over in my mind. I would pay good money to get back to that moment. Now I’m just hoping we have more than just chemistry.
The One You Really Like
“This is the man you are instantly, passionately, insanely attracted to. He’s the one you can’t wait to sleep with, and the one who ignites irrationally jealousy when he so much smiles at the waitress.”
I am instantly, passionately, and insanely attracted to Brian. Last night he had friends over for a BBQ after a long day on the boat. He invited me over. Against my better judgment I went to his house at about 9:30. I wondered immediately if I was making a mistake. He was in his “safe zone” with his friends and in a drunken state- maybe just tipsy. I was out of my comfort zone and learning more about him that I had anticipated early in the dating process. Learning about the roommates, his neighbors, an apparent illegal substance being partaken by some on the sun porch was eye opening. Everyone left and we were alone.
I had two beers (for me that’s the equivalent of about a six pack for a normal girl). Sitting on the couch I was trying to figure out my timing. How could I lean over and kiss him? Would he kiss me? What the hell was I doing? I finally took the initiative and told him I was going to kiss him. It was amazing! I’m talking Pride and Prejudice, Walk in the Clouds, Sixteen Candles perfect. We talked a bit and I believe he became a bit sneaky. He said he thought his roommates were pulling up so maybe we should move from the couch- hmmmm….to the bedroom.
While in his bedroom I made myself comfortable noting the inferior thread count and hard mattress. However, I quickly took my focus away from the linens when he joined me on the bed. I won’t get too graphic, but I will say it was amazing. It was completely intoxicating and still PG. He pulled my favorite move from Clueless and tugged at my hair while he kissed me. I’m telling you all rational thought left my brain and I was left with mushy gushy warm stomach flutter. There was chemistry that I hadn’t felt in years. Not just kissing a new man chemistry, but can you imagine feeling so good about anything chemistry. I wanted to tear our clothes off and destroy any chance at another date. Instead, I stopped myself (and him) and forced myself to go home. I have been replaying those ten minutes over and over in my mind. I would pay good money to get back to that moment. Now I’m just hoping we have more than just chemistry.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Happy + Active = Attractive
Patti says,
“Happy + Active = Attractive”
“Believe it or not, after a workout you are at your most attractive to men, because you’re all glowy from that endorphin rush; you’re calm, happy, content, and for a few minutes or hours, you are not thinking about dating. “
Goal- I want to glow all day long! I want to walk out of the house with a slight glisten across my entire body and a huge smile on my face. I want to have the “happy + active = attractive” look all of the time (minus the disgusting sweaty smell that usually accompanies it). I want men to notice me!
To help with the objective of glowy happy Jessica, I am training for a half marathon. This means I am stretching my physical abilities a few times a week. I have been running three to four days a week, going to spin class on Tuesdays (where there is a single dad named Craig that I am trying to befriend), and working out with a trainer once a week. My daily calorie count is about 1600-1700. I’m turning into a pseudo-obsessed healthy person. Yuck.
Today was a perfect example of how bad this is getting. I had a diet coke (with a splash of regular cherry coke) and a frozen yogurt to get through my afternoon blues. What the crap? Where am I? I miss my Fritos and leaded coke. However, more than wanting to go on a calorie binge I am aware that a new guy could soon be witness to me – naked. That is motivation enough to forego breakfast burritos and Big Macs. I can’t even remember the last time I had a Big Mac. I can’t decide if that is a good or bad sign.
Back to important things, if anyone is reading…
The boy called me last night J I was in class so I immediately texted. BUTTERFLYS! I know he is young, hot, active, funny, smart, hot (oops, I’ve said that), and sexy (another iteration of hot); I want him like I want to win the lottery. We are going out again on Sunday. I know Sunday is not the ideal date day, but he has friends in town for the weekend. I can’t wait to find out what we are doing. Per Patti’s advice I let him know that I have full confidence that he will come up with something wonderful to do. I’m hoping for something active and conducive to conversation. I want to know more about this guy and hope his most terrible flaw is that he is often too busy to go out because he volunteers helping blind, homeless, teen immigrants at a shelter 25 hours a week.
Stay tuned.
“Happy + Active = Attractive”
“Believe it or not, after a workout you are at your most attractive to men, because you’re all glowy from that endorphin rush; you’re calm, happy, content, and for a few minutes or hours, you are not thinking about dating. “
Goal- I want to glow all day long! I want to walk out of the house with a slight glisten across my entire body and a huge smile on my face. I want to have the “happy + active = attractive” look all of the time (minus the disgusting sweaty smell that usually accompanies it). I want men to notice me!
To help with the objective of glowy happy Jessica, I am training for a half marathon. This means I am stretching my physical abilities a few times a week. I have been running three to four days a week, going to spin class on Tuesdays (where there is a single dad named Craig that I am trying to befriend), and working out with a trainer once a week. My daily calorie count is about 1600-1700. I’m turning into a pseudo-obsessed healthy person. Yuck.
Today was a perfect example of how bad this is getting. I had a diet coke (with a splash of regular cherry coke) and a frozen yogurt to get through my afternoon blues. What the crap? Where am I? I miss my Fritos and leaded coke. However, more than wanting to go on a calorie binge I am aware that a new guy could soon be witness to me – naked. That is motivation enough to forego breakfast burritos and Big Macs. I can’t even remember the last time I had a Big Mac. I can’t decide if that is a good or bad sign.
Back to important things, if anyone is reading…
The boy called me last night J I was in class so I immediately texted. BUTTERFLYS! I know he is young, hot, active, funny, smart, hot (oops, I’ve said that), and sexy (another iteration of hot); I want him like I want to win the lottery. We are going out again on Sunday. I know Sunday is not the ideal date day, but he has friends in town for the weekend. I can’t wait to find out what we are doing. Per Patti’s advice I let him know that I have full confidence that he will come up with something wonderful to do. I’m hoping for something active and conducive to conversation. I want to know more about this guy and hope his most terrible flaw is that he is often too busy to go out because he volunteers helping blind, homeless, teen immigrants at a shelter 25 hours a week.
Stay tuned.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
It's your call (or is it?)
Patti says
"In the embroyonic stages of the dating relationship (first through sixth date) the most important thing to remember about the phone is not to use it too much.
So, help me out! We went out Sunday and he said he'd like to go out again and he would call. Do I wait anxiously by the phone? Do I call? Text? Send smoke signals? Freak out? Eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia? UGH! I like this guy. I'm being patient...not really. I'm thinking maybe he saw Swingers and is using the three day rule. Which means if he doesn't call tomorrow I am doomed and will punish myself by eating TWO pints of Ben & Jerrys.
Please say a little prayer for me! I am sure this is not a sanctioned approach to ask for prayers for something so trivial. I'm even more sure that God, Buddha, Mother Earth, etc. are too busy for my dating dilemmas, but give a girl a break.
"In the embroyonic stages of the dating relationship (first through sixth date) the most important thing to remember about the phone is not to use it too much.
So, help me out! We went out Sunday and he said he'd like to go out again and he would call. Do I wait anxiously by the phone? Do I call? Text? Send smoke signals? Freak out? Eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia? UGH! I like this guy. I'm being patient...not really. I'm thinking maybe he saw Swingers and is using the three day rule. Which means if he doesn't call tomorrow I am doomed and will punish myself by eating TWO pints of Ben & Jerrys.
Please say a little prayer for me! I am sure this is not a sanctioned approach to ask for prayers for something so trivial. I'm even more sure that God, Buddha, Mother Earth, etc. are too busy for my dating dilemmas, but give a girl a break.
If you build it they will come
Patti says-
“What is your type? What do you value in a partner?
A fun and provocative way to get started with this is to take fifteen minutes to make a list of your most recent boyfriends, not listing more than five. Write down their top five assets- the things that really attracted you to them in the first place and made you stay with them as long as you did. Then list their five worst traits- the things that drove you crazy, that made you break up with them, or want to punch them, or kill them, or both. “
My lists (in no particular order):
BF 1
Likes: cuddles, in shape, did nice little things, had good friends and hobbies, loves work
Dislikes: not an open communicator, didn’t seem like he wanted to know me, bad taste in music, not as socially aware, not very passionate.
BF2
Likes: loved work, non-traditional, passionate, funny (I can only name four….not a good sign)
Dislikes: always late, smelly, no follow through, dirty, wouldn’t settle down (why did I date this guy?)
BF3
Likes: cute, sexy, disciplined, smart, consistent
Dislikes: too rigid with routines, wouldn’t settle down, not very many friends or hobbies
BF4
Likes: sweet, loving, unconditional, smart, accommodating
Dislikes: door mat, needy, didn’t floss
So, if I build what I want, will he come? Is the Field of Dreams right? If I build it he will come….
Likes: smart, physically fit, passionate, consistent, sweet
Dislikes: smelly, antisocial, won’t settle down, uninterested
“What is your type? What do you value in a partner?
A fun and provocative way to get started with this is to take fifteen minutes to make a list of your most recent boyfriends, not listing more than five. Write down their top five assets- the things that really attracted you to them in the first place and made you stay with them as long as you did. Then list their five worst traits- the things that drove you crazy, that made you break up with them, or want to punch them, or kill them, or both. “
My lists (in no particular order):
BF 1
Likes: cuddles, in shape, did nice little things, had good friends and hobbies, loves work
Dislikes: not an open communicator, didn’t seem like he wanted to know me, bad taste in music, not as socially aware, not very passionate.
BF2
Likes: loved work, non-traditional, passionate, funny (I can only name four….not a good sign)
Dislikes: always late, smelly, no follow through, dirty, wouldn’t settle down (why did I date this guy?)
BF3
Likes: cute, sexy, disciplined, smart, consistent
Dislikes: too rigid with routines, wouldn’t settle down, not very many friends or hobbies
BF4
Likes: sweet, loving, unconditional, smart, accommodating
Dislikes: door mat, needy, didn’t floss
So, if I build what I want, will he come? Is the Field of Dreams right? If I build it he will come….
Likes: smart, physically fit, passionate, consistent, sweet
Dislikes: smelly, antisocial, won’t settle down, uninterested
Sunday, May 17, 2009
First Date
Patti says:
Out and About
As much help as you get from other people and from Internet dating services, know that you'll have to do at least a third of the work yourself on your own. You need to be proactive and make the effort yourself, even if it involves going outside your comfort zone and boldly going where you've never gone before. You must go to them, because, honey, they're not going to come to you.
Five Second Flirt
Notice the one guy in the room you would really like to meet, and make sure he is not with another woman. Catch his eye and hold his gaze a whole five seconds, while giving him your most radiant smile. Then flip your hair and turn away. When you give a man the five second flirt he will come over to start a conversation, or he won't.
I feel like writing about my first date will make it less real. Somehow the act of typing is making me nervous. What kind of girl blogs about dating? Does that make me less lovable and somehow a little crazy? Is blogging the equivalent of being a cat lady?
At this point, it doesn't matter. I will chronicle my journey in a loving and tender way. I will give props to the first person (maybe the last) to hit my dating blog. His name is Brian. It happened on Friday night. In a very cosmic way (Nana predicted I would meet a man with reddish blond hair) we met. It isn't very often that I go out with girlfriends for drinks, but as fate would have it, we did. He was the man sitting directly across from me at the bar sporting a Cocoa Puffs t-shirt and glasses. You know me- I'm a sucker for glasses. The smarter the sexier. And boy is he sexy. At two inches shy of six feet his muscular frame (training for triatholons) his blue eyes called to me. In an attempt to get his attention I did the "five second flirt and look away"; it didn't seem like he was noticing me and I was getting fairly nervous. But alas, a plot for an introduction ensued. A strange bar game required me to have a partner and so as the movie THE HOLIDAY stated we had our "meet cute".
I learned a few things about him:
Age: 28
Hometown: Appleton, WI
Job: Sales, Software
Degree: Check
Hot: Check
Funny: Check
Homeowner: Check
Dog Owner: Check
30 minutes later he asked me for my number! And you know what? He called the next day. Our conversation was comfortable and easy. He asked me out for a Sunday date and to sushi. Perfect! I decided on a very classic date look. Jeans, push-up bra (thanks Patti), solid color form fitting top, heels and nice jewelry. I wore my hair up, light lipstick and Missoni perfume. I felt sexy and ready to go.
At promptly 5:30 he picked me up on time and in a nice Audi A4. We drove to Nami and had a sushi and drinks. He paid. We then took a walk near my house for a bit more light conversation. We avoided the disasterous conversations like politics, terrible exes, money, etc. We focused on what we do for fun, our friends, our interests. I made the mistake of telling him about my blog. I thought it might be over, but you know what, although strange he understood. Or so he said.
When we walked back to my place it was the ackward stare at eachother what happens next end of the date sceanario. Good man that he is said he'd call me and he'd like to go out again!!!! We also shared a G rated light kiss on the lips. Mission accomplished. I met a super great nice man and I can't wait to write about him again.
Out and About
As much help as you get from other people and from Internet dating services, know that you'll have to do at least a third of the work yourself on your own. You need to be proactive and make the effort yourself, even if it involves going outside your comfort zone and boldly going where you've never gone before. You must go to them, because, honey, they're not going to come to you.
Five Second Flirt
Notice the one guy in the room you would really like to meet, and make sure he is not with another woman. Catch his eye and hold his gaze a whole five seconds, while giving him your most radiant smile. Then flip your hair and turn away. When you give a man the five second flirt he will come over to start a conversation, or he won't.
I feel like writing about my first date will make it less real. Somehow the act of typing is making me nervous. What kind of girl blogs about dating? Does that make me less lovable and somehow a little crazy? Is blogging the equivalent of being a cat lady?
At this point, it doesn't matter. I will chronicle my journey in a loving and tender way. I will give props to the first person (maybe the last) to hit my dating blog. His name is Brian. It happened on Friday night. In a very cosmic way (Nana predicted I would meet a man with reddish blond hair) we met. It isn't very often that I go out with girlfriends for drinks, but as fate would have it, we did. He was the man sitting directly across from me at the bar sporting a Cocoa Puffs t-shirt and glasses. You know me- I'm a sucker for glasses. The smarter the sexier. And boy is he sexy. At two inches shy of six feet his muscular frame (training for triatholons) his blue eyes called to me. In an attempt to get his attention I did the "five second flirt and look away"; it didn't seem like he was noticing me and I was getting fairly nervous. But alas, a plot for an introduction ensued. A strange bar game required me to have a partner and so as the movie THE HOLIDAY stated we had our "meet cute".
I learned a few things about him:
Age: 28
Hometown: Appleton, WI
Job: Sales, Software
Degree: Check
Hot: Check
Funny: Check
Homeowner: Check
Dog Owner: Check
30 minutes later he asked me for my number! And you know what? He called the next day. Our conversation was comfortable and easy. He asked me out for a Sunday date and to sushi. Perfect! I decided on a very classic date look. Jeans, push-up bra (thanks Patti), solid color form fitting top, heels and nice jewelry. I wore my hair up, light lipstick and Missoni perfume. I felt sexy and ready to go.
At promptly 5:30 he picked me up on time and in a nice Audi A4. We drove to Nami and had a sushi and drinks. He paid. We then took a walk near my house for a bit more light conversation. We avoided the disasterous conversations like politics, terrible exes, money, etc. We focused on what we do for fun, our friends, our interests. I made the mistake of telling him about my blog. I thought it might be over, but you know what, although strange he understood. Or so he said.
When we walked back to my place it was the ackward stare at eachother what happens next end of the date sceanario. Good man that he is said he'd call me and he'd like to go out again!!!! We also shared a G rated light kiss on the lips. Mission accomplished. I met a super great nice man and I can't wait to write about him again.
Backdrop
This is me. At 34, 5’3”, 117 lbs (today) I fall into a category that I am familiar with – single. After a series of LTRs (long term relationships) I’m single. How does this happen? When did I become the girl that didn’t get what she wanted? Wait. Do I really even know what I want? This blog is my journey. The blog is a self-deprecating, torturously beautiful road to relationship wellness.
I am going to take this journey with my friend, Patti Stanger. *Note to reader- I have never met Patti, but if I had she would love me and likely find the perfect match for me. Patti Stanger is the antithesis of me. The statuesque brunette has a fiery personality and has in the recent years become an icon in the dating and entertainment world. You’ll know her from her realty TV show the Millionaire Matchmaker and her book ‘Become Your Own Matchmaker-8 Steps in Attracting Your Perfect Mate’. I will use her book as my roadmap.
I am going to start this blog appropriately with Chapter One- Dating Detox. I am looking forward to you sharing my experiences and giving (well-intentioned) advice. Hey, if you happen to think of the man for me, send him my way too.
I am going to take this journey with my friend, Patti Stanger. *Note to reader- I have never met Patti, but if I had she would love me and likely find the perfect match for me. Patti Stanger is the antithesis of me. The statuesque brunette has a fiery personality and has in the recent years become an icon in the dating and entertainment world. You’ll know her from her realty TV show the Millionaire Matchmaker and her book ‘Become Your Own Matchmaker-8 Steps in Attracting Your Perfect Mate’. I will use her book as my roadmap.
I am going to start this blog appropriately with Chapter One- Dating Detox. I am looking forward to you sharing my experiences and giving (well-intentioned) advice. Hey, if you happen to think of the man for me, send him my way too.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
It begins with a wish-
When I say I am coming home, it means I a coming to where you are.
So, where are you?
So, where are you?
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